Help - Parrot tips

[tome]

I'm looking after Henry the parrot this week. He's an African grey. Just about to pop round and introduce myself, about the only thing is i know he's crazy about dried bananas so I've armed myslef with a bag

How do I stop him biting me to death, and could I teach him a phrase in less than a week? His owner returns Sat evening and is an EBB

All advice gratefully received
Tom (wannabe Parrot Whisperer)

 

[StugeronSteve]

I've no doubt that by the time he's bitten you to death you will have taught him a new phrase, or maybe even two!

 

[jimi]

A good phrase to teach is

"Tom's got a bigger one."

 

[snowleopard]

I know everyone has heard this before but it deserves another outing...

So there's this fella with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor, an absolute pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much. The guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him hard and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." He locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At this point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very, very quiet . At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's worried enough to open the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did that chicken do to you?"

 

[Twister_Ken]

EBB eh?

How about; "Not One Hundred and Eighty!"

 

[FWB]

OK I give up. What is an EBB ?

 

[jimi]

Elephant's bum boy?

 

[tome]

[ QUOTE ]
How about; "Not One Hundred and Eighty!"

[/ QUOTE ]

Excellent - he belongs to Mark the Dart! He's driven down to the Loire to fix up a damaged boat which was whacked in a canal lock

Anyway, Henry didn't look too pleased to see me just now. Not sure if he or I were more frightened of the other, but he definitely mellowed out after he saw the bag of dried bananas

(EBB is an Emsworth Bad Boy)

 

[ccscott49]

The only way I know of stopping a parrot biting you, is shoot the nasty, smelly, 'orrible bloody thing!

You may have noticed, not keen on parrots after I was bitten to the bone by one, when trying to be friendly, the owner said "Oh! I thought you knew, it doesn't like men!"

 

[longjohnsilver]

Send him to me, I know a thing or two about parrots!

 

[tome]

I couldn't possibly shoot him, he's a Psittacus erithacus erithacus dontyerknow?

I'm told that Henry is a fruit-eating parrot so doesn't bite as hard as yer nut-cracking Amazona ochrocephala which can rip a knuckle apart from 20 paces

Gulp. And it's only Tuesday...

 

[phatcat1]

Buy 3 packs of Paxo, and 2 pound of sausage meat!

Stuff the little bugger!

 

[tome]

Are they good eating then?

 

[BlueSkyNick]

um, wakey wakey, its Tuesday today. (tee hee - that was a quick edit on your part!)

I heard that Stingo went to the doctor one day, took his pet parrot with him. The doctor said "where did you find that animal",

"Lying outside a pub" replied .... the parrot.

 

[phatcat1]

Well, its got to be better than KFC!!!!!!!!!!

 

[claymore]

Tome
What you need is an exit strategy to put a stop to future involvement with the blasted thing
"Show us yer tits Vicar" should do it nicely

 

[snowleopard]

You can tell parrots are smarter than chickens. Who ever heard of Kentucky Fried Parrot?

 

[ccscott49]

I have a recipe for sulphur crested cockatoo, told to me by an old abbo.

Take two parrots and two large stones, two onions, two celery stalks, salt pepper and some chili. Boil the parriots and stones and all ingredients for 10 hours, remove parrots and eat the stones!

Apparently, thats why there are so many cockatoos in Oz, they are inedible, tough as granite!

 

[Rum_Pirate]

Reminds me of this dated story

A punk rocker with a very colourful mochican(sp) hair cut entered a pub on the coast and ordered a drink. While he was drinking it he could not help noticing that there was an Old Salt in the corner who could not take his eyes off the punk rocker.

So the rocker strolls over and says " Whats up Gramps, never done anything a bit wild in your life?"

The Old Salt looked him square in the eye and in a loud voice so everyone could hear said " Well as a mattter of fact, I once went on a three day drinking blinder and ended up shagging a parrot, so I was just looking to see if you were my offspring."

 

[tome]

Thinking of bringing Henry and his cage into the office for a few days, as he seemed a bit dejected on his tod

It could be a disaster, but if he starts whistling and swearing do you think I could just explain to my boss in Norway that we have a crossed line with the local vet and it should be fixed any day now?