Government Agency Questions Boat Owner Fitness.

[capnsensible]

A leaked document today revealed a new Government ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶p̶i̶r̶a̶c̶y̶ consultation over worrying trends of lack of fitness amongst boat owners. This can lead to unecessary anxiety and a feeling of persecution.

On advice from the Surgeon General, boat owners would be required to take regular fitness tests designed around a carefully considered Body Mass Index number.

The test will be representative of a significant damage incident to a private boat and will have the challenging title of 'Are You Too Plump To Pump' and failure will result in an owners Compulsory Licence being withdrawn.

This will be backed up by specialist teams taking random blood tests in both marinas and anchorages specifically looking for evidence of substance abuse, excess alcohol consumption and traces of Sanatogen.

Any concerned boat owner is urged to write an outraged missive on their local boating forum immediately.

 

[zoidberg]

"I phart in your general direction...."

 

[capnsensible]

"I phart in your general direction...."[/I]

I have written to propose that all licences must be surrendered at age 70 and for anyone who smells of elderberries.

 

[Davy_S]

 

[LadyInBed]

It's not even April the First :mad-new:

 

[zoidberg]

I think he's been at the Madeira Sauce again.....

 

[Tomahawk]

Or been talking with Viago?

 

[RichardS]

I think he's been at the Madeira Sauce again.....

The last time I accused him of being on the pop, he took exception.

Richard

 

[capnsensible]

Being wrong seems to be your default setting......

 

[capnsensible]

Anyway i wanted to expose to ridicule all the mca nonsense thats going on in other threads. Seems to have got some attention.

Are you too plump to pump?

 

[capnsensible]

In breaking news it has been revealed that catamaran owners are to be given special eye tests as clearly they dont know how to sail a proper yacht.

Age limits for licences are to be reduced to 65 to get old people away from harm.

 

[capnsensible]

The University Boat Squadron will be carrying out many extra patrols tasked with discovering single handed sailors in UK Territorial Waters including the atea around Gibraltar and the Falkland Islands.

As well as being charged with negligence in failing to keep a good lookout, the miscreants will be required to pass the RYA Professional Practices and Responsibilities course whilst blindfolded.

 

[johnalison]

Does your department also take into account the need for increased diversity in marinas and diversity-training for staff?

 

[RichardS]

In breaking news it has been revealed that catamaran owners are to be given special eye tests as clearly they dont know how to sail a proper yacht.

Age limits for licences are to be reduced to 65 to get old people away from harm.

Be honest now, Captain .... you have stopped taking your medication haven't you?

You really are a naughty boy. :encouragement:

Richard

 

[capnsensible]

Does your department also take into account the need for increased diversity in marinas and diversity-training for staff?

Yes they are required to undertake the zimmer frame assault course challenge to appreciate the needs of the elderly.

New additives will be trialed in chemical trails of UK overflights that are designed to reduce mental dependence on conspiracy theories.

 

[capnsensible]

Be honest now, Captain .... you have stopped taking your medication haven't you?

You really are a naughty boy. :encouragement:

Richard

No. Without anti gout pills i get gout. So i take a pill every day. Thanks for your concern though.

What do you take?

 

[RichardS]

No. Without anti gout pills i get gout. So i take a pill every day. Thanks for your concern though.

What do you take?

A pinch of salt with everything you say.

Richard

 

[Kukri]

This thread was doing well until the MCA read it and decided to cap it:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/20...s-sacked-rescuing-car-cliff-edge-bosses-told/

 

[capnsensible]

A pinch of salt with everything you say.

Richard

Well done. Keep calm and carry on pumping.

 

[capnsensible]

This thread was doing well until the MCA read it and decided to cap it:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/20...s-sacked-rescuing-car-cliff-edge-bosses-told/

Allowing the truth a brief toe hold in this thread did you see the sacked Captain of HMS Queen Elizabeth has banged his notice in? Clearly not a happy chappy. There are times when leaders of leaders may a bit quick on the draw.