Gospel according to Claymore 1:2-10

[jimi]

2 Verily Verily saithe the scuttlebutt scribe known as Claysie

3All therefore whatsoever he bids you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.


4For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.


5But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments

6Their ways shal be known cos the Toolkit should be large and heavy and not that of the foolish virgin containg but nothing.

7. The GPS shalt work and if it do'nt thou shalt have another yin. ANd if that do not worl thou shalt know where thou ist.

8. Thou shalt not lead thy friends astray.


9. Stong drink thou should avoid because that is the way of the drunkard and harlot.

10.Avoid Sodom cos the charts are useless and you'll be buggered.

 

[claymore]

And the Scribe Claymore, on reading the words of this Jimi, a man come from the East, from a town of the name Kulbride was troubled.

And he ascended to the sixth floor of the temple to learning where he often travailed and he did sit and was perplexed by the words of this Jimi

In time he came down again from the floor and sent out a decree to the Scuttlebut that this Jimi was the Jawbone of an Ass with a word which counted for little. A man of forked tongue who would smile in a mans face and drink of his wine and depart before the publicans had taken their sheckels.
And a great assembly did sit at the table of King Ken in the tents of the Bedouins and they were perplexed and confused for this Jimi had led them all to believe he was a man of honour - but then a great light shone forth and one of the throng - a TCM who was of Bradford in the North did say unto them
"Eyup Bah Gum T'Robbin' Little Bugger scarpered wioot payin....when ah cotch im eel be brrown brred" and being a man of the county of Hovis, and one of great wisdom, the assembled throng did think that this Jimi Should be sliced.

 

[jimi]

1 In the seventh year of the reign of Antonius Bliarius king of Spinatus, Claysie king of Babblealong came to Gomorrah and besieged it. 2 And the Lord delivered Teaseam father of Teaseapee prince of Hackus into his hand, along with some of the articles from the temple of Excel. These he carried off to the temple of his galley in Melfortia and put in the treasure house of his trireme.
3 Then Claysie ordered ChristatusEnstonius, chief of his court officials, to bring in some of the younger Scuttlebetters from the forum - 4 young men without any physical defect, handsome, showing aptitude for every kind of learning, well informed, quick to understand, and qualified to be Buttmeister. He was to teach them the language and literature of the Babblealongians.

 

[StugeronSteve]

Isn't there a passage that tells of the Lords anger at the sinful one, who had consumed intoxicating liquors?

Did the Lord not take from him the beautiful wooden treasurer, which he had plundered from the Temple of Excel, and command that it should be left to circle within the bowels of the earth, until such time as he had repented his sins, forsaken the strong drink and cast aside the smoking sticks?

Exodus 25:23- "Make a table of acacia wood, two cubits long, a cubit wide and a cubit and a half high."