Goat Handling

[jimi]

An elderly sailor has asked me to help him sail his boat on the NW Scottish coast over the next weekend. I am worried he's a cantankerous old goat. What sort of coping strategies could I perhaps adopt?

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[claymore]

Well, I'm looking forward to reading this I must say.

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[AndrewB]

What's with the black blob under your name, Claymore? A conceptual art avatar? Should it perhaps be .... er .... more goat-like?

 

[Tiger Rag]

A cantankerous old goat and a middle aged obnoxious pict (sic) your only hope is whisky and plenty of it.

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[Tiger Rag]

A cantankerous old goat and a middle aged obnoxious pict (sic) your only hope is whisky and plenty of it.

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[sailbadthesinner]

Re: No hope i am afraid

these northern types are a bad lot in fact i would keep them on dry land as exposure to the brine tends to make them worse.

but here are my tips for a trouble freee trip.

Whenever he is manouevering out of the marina. Stand right at the bow with your hands over your eyes screaming 'I can't look '

Constantly ask ['are we there yet?' and look with over his shoulder witha furrowed brow whenever he goes to the chart.

Lick your thumb ostentatiously whilst reading through his log. every now and then break off laughing saying things like ' only a force six '

Constantly reset his sails if he attempts to trim.

refer to the chart as the map. (Remember you are the YM. donot show off your superior knowledge so stick to terms he knows.)

If he suggests the engine smile sweetly donot offer demonstrate how to sail on to a pontoon.

under no accounts regail him with tales of your;
Knowledge of Colregs
Abitlity to backwards sail.

when coming alongside if you have to raft up. Stand on the foredeck shouting 'it s alright its a different boat all the stanshions are in place and there is no scratcheswhere we hit that last one'

Suggest you eat out every night at his expense. he will want to pay but be reticent to offer for fear of embarrassing you. Show him you are not at all embarrassed buying ordering al acarte only.

Write port and starborad on his respective wellies as a leaving present.


<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>I can't walk on water, but I do run on Guinness</font color=red>

 

[tcm]

You don't fool us. The cantankerous old goat is actually your Dad. Why else would you agree to sail with him? Cept of course, if *everyone* refused to sail with scottish old gits/goats they would be all on their own. Which they are, mostly. And that accounts for why the population of Scotland is decreasing, all leaving the cantankerous old goats. It certainly can't be anything to do with the glorious weather or the delicious food. Oops I've drifted off.

Anyway, good luck and I hope he's still worth a few quid.

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[Sybarite]

A gottle of geer helps.

John

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[Twister_Ken]

Can I suggest you take a wet suit. Then you can always jump over the side and swim ashore when it all gets a bit much.

Oh, and ear plugs. C.O.Gs have often represented their country in international snoring competitions.


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[Jeremy_W]

1) Enjoy some of the most beautiful cruising grounds in the UK.
2) Ditto the absence of fleets of S~~~sail
3) Don't offer too much advice, even when you're sure you know better (and are probably right)
4) When you do offer advice, make it concise, courteous ("an alternative technique is") and well argued. Give the advice then mentally walk away. What the skipper does with your advice is his problem, not yours.
5) Never say "I told you so" when your advice has been ignored. Just mentally file away the incident and share it, wittily embellished, with the forum later!
6) Remember the Crews' Union motto - "It's hard to be humble when you know you're great"
7) When the guy's making a complete Horlicks of, for instance, briefing the crew before a passage, take a deep breath and ask yourself if you can see some of your own skippering faults magnified.
8) ENJOY - it's only a weekend

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[madman]

Well. Jimi, if you have'nt actually met the COG before you could have a quick recoinoitre(sp?) and if you do'nt like what you see, beat a hasty retreat to the nearest bar, there's plenty in Scotland, chat up the most drunken Jimmie, bribe him with a wee hauf, and send him off with the promise of more drink to crew for the elderly gent.

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[DeeGee]

Just keep quiet. Let him start any conversations if he wants to. If he keeps shtoom, you keep shtoomer. Don't ever offer up "Shall I.....?" wait for him to ask "Can you.....?" and give him a cool stare for 2 secs before reacting if he doesn't say 'please'.


<hr width=100% size=1>Black Sugar - the sweetest of all

 

[chippie]

The cantankerous old bugger must have some respect for your skills or something or else he wouldnt have asked for your help.( or do you suspect an ulterior motive?)
Give him the benefit of the doubt, there may be something you can gain from the experience.
I always try to find the positive in everybody I meet, and only wish they would do the same with me.;-)

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[claymore]

OI!!

He called me a cantankerous old Goat - not Bugger - stick to the script, you cheeky young bugger!

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[sailbadthesinner]

Re: OI!!

is this you being cantankerous
or an old goat?

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>I can't walk on water, but I do run on Guinness</font color=red>

 

[jimi]

Many thanks to everyone, I shall approach the weekend replete with coping strategies. I have borrowed my aunties hearing aid in case the COG turns out to be a BOB and I'll then lose it and pretend I can't ghear a word he says!

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