Glesga humour

[bilbobaggins]

Following Sgeir's foray into the regional patois ( 'Strange non-boaty joke' ), I'm reminded of a tale told by an ex-Naval Officer mate - a quite proper Dartmouth graduate - who once was 'Orifice i/c' the Service's mountain school in Glencoe. He'd taken a party of ( mostly ) wee Scottish ordinary ratings for some winter climbing, and they were packing up their ropes and gear in a roadside lay-by when a minibus full of American tourists stopped.

The inevitable loud 'Lady from Illinois' was quite taken by the broad Glasgow accents of the lower-deck sailors, and gushed "Are you guys Scaawtisch" - to which the mumbled reply was "Aye, missus. We aw' ur..."

The lady tourist was delighted, and turned to the smallest, scruffiest matelot - "Ah just luv your Scaawtisch accents. Go awn, say something else in Scaawtisch for me....."

The wee man saw his chance and, before the officer - sensing trouble far too late - could intervene, he looked her right in the eye, stating "Yer a right stotter, missis. See's a swatch at yer titz....!"


/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Bajansailor]

Excellent! /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
Did the good lady understand what he had uttered I wonder?
And what happened next.....?
Please do tell!

 

[ccscott49]

Excellent, I can imagine the rest of the guys rolling around on the deck!

 

[wotayottie]

[ QUOTE ]

Did the good lady understand what he had uttered I wonder?


[/ QUOTE ]

Doubt it - I certainly dont

 

[webcraft]

The shortsighted lady in the baker's shop was peering at the display of cakes under the glass.

'Tell me, dear,' she asked the girl at the counter, pointing at one confection in particular, 'I've come out without my glasses. Is that a doughnut or a meringue?'

'Naw, you're right, missis, it's a doughnut.'

 

[drawp]

One of my workmates, an unmistabable Orcadian, was chatting up a local lassie in a pub in Lerwick. He told her he was just back from working in Brunei.

"Where's Brunei?", she asked.

"Just next to the pink-eye", he responded.

 

[Rabbie]

Have you ever seen a green dug? I'm sure you all have. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Billjratt]

A young man went into the bar in Central Station for a pint. He had to meet a mate off a train, and asked the barman if he could leave his bag behind the bar for a few minutes. On his return, there was a girl serving. He went across and said "I'm just back for my holdall" She smacked him on the mouth.....

 

[1114C]

very good! did enjoy it