Goldfish
Active Member
The true tale of the girls weekend
Jim went to Burnham on Thursday night to move full circle onto the pontoon, unfortunately he left the boat keys at home and decided to go for a drink with a friend. He staggered in, after I’d gone to bed in a huff, because he hadn’t informed me where the hell he was and because he knew he’d lose millions of brownie points. He then buggered off to work early the next day before I was up.
I dragged the anchor that had been sitting on the living room floor out to the car on my own, swearing under my breath and planning just retribution. Got to the pontoon and thought the boat had been nicked, went to the office to report it stolen and met the friend who’d been drinking with Jim, who let the cat out of the bag, but offered to take me out to the boat and bring it back to the pontoon by way of compensation. Finally get boat on pontoon and can’t remember how to turn the power on, luckily Ann turns up and shows me how to do it, we want a cup of tea but neither of us know where to turn the gas on, so Ann flashes a leg a the bloke next to us on the pontoon and he does it for us. Karen turns up late as Patrick had a paddy because he had no clean socks and insisted she washed and tumble dried some for him to take away with him on the blokes weekend.
Debs and Bernie roll up a little later but Debs had already been on the bottle having finished work early, and since the kids had gone to grans and Neil , who gave up booze as a new years resolution was away, she certainly made the most of it. She staggered down the pontoon helped by a none too pleased Bernie who had worried all the way to Burnham that she’d throw up I the car. Luckily Debs just went to sleep in the car, however the motion of the pontoon jumping around in the wind was the last straw for debs poor stomach and she clutched onto one of the piles and promptly threw up into someone’s dingy. Happily it belonged to Jims drinking friend, so there is a god after all.
It took three of us to get debs on the boat and we dumped her in the aft cabin to sleep it off. Pip arrived shortly afterwards and we all stared in amazement as she staggered down the pontoon in her stilettos and mini skirt, she drew quite a lot of attention from other boat users especially the chap next door who had obviously rung a few friends to come and have a look at the bunch of mad women on the next boat. I wouldn’t let pip on the boat in her shoes and luckily had a spare of wellies I insisted she wore, which rather dented her appearance. She had apparently come from Brighton marina which explained everything, as we all know they don’t sail on the south coast, only using their boats as a fashion accessory. Bernie had enough clothes to open her own shop and proceeded to take up most of the locker space with her dresses to wear in the evening, she also complained about the lack of 3 pin plugs so how did I think she could use her hair dryer and straigtners?Karen in the meantime had filled the heads with most of the cosmetic counter from boots, and was bemoaning that the light was very poor for applying makeup. At this point I decided I needed a stiff drink and started on the wine everyone then joined in and after a few bottles we were much more relaxed, one of us occasionally checked Debs was still breathing. After a few more bottles we all felt hungry so I rang up the local Indian and got them to deliver to the pontoon, as it was dark then we flashed a torch up the pontoon so he knew where we were, as by that time none of us could have made it up to the shore. Debs woke up when she smelled food and as she felt thirsty started on the wine again. After eating we had a night cap of some of Jims best whisky, well the entire bottle between us but it was the coffee which finished me off. I can’t remember going to bed but apparently I shared a cabin with Bernie and kept her awake for most of the night with my snoring. The following morning the boat looked like a bomb site. None of us got up before midday and we all had hangovers, none of us felt like sailing so Ann, Debs and Myself went back to bed for the afternoon, and Bernie, Karen and Pip went off to do a bit of shopping at Lakeside. When we finally woke up we had tea, stugeron and paracetamol to make us feel better and ready to party at the Royal Corinthian disco.
The others eventually got back with yet more clothes and cosmetics. Bernie had decided she didn’t like the dress she’d bought for the evening so she’d got another, it was rather revealing so she was obviously going to be on the pull. Karen had had a manicure and full set of acrylics which were very nice. Pip obviously had some sort of shoe fetish and had brought 3 pairs, including a pair of white stilettos as a souvenir of her trip to Essex. We had a bottle of champagne to get us in the mood for partying and all got ready to go out.
It was then that I discovered that having left the house in a huff the previous day and having fell asleep in my clothes last night and what with not really getting up all day, I really had nothing to wear. Bernie very kindly offered me one of the dresses she didn’t want to wear but she’s a size 8 and I’m a 22 so that was a no no. I was very peed off by this time and of course it was all Jims fault I’d left my clothes at home, Then I had a brain wave, the perfect punishment for an errant sailing husband. I had told Jim we would use the cruising chute and use it I would. With a little help from the others I soon had a beautiful very slinky sarong to wear.
We went to the Yacht club via a few pubs to get in the mood for dancing. We arrived at the club to discover I’d mixed up the weekend events at the club.
I thought it has a disco, but it was a quiz night. We joined in anyway because we were all having trouble standing ( probably due to being on the boat all day). The first few rounds went ok but Bernie started getting loud and kept shouting at the start of the rounds ‘where’s the questions on machine embroidery’, Meanwhile Pip was eying up the cruising captain and Ann ( the quiet ones are always the worse) was no where to be seen having disappeared into the caller with the bar manager to find a bottle of her favourite wine. Needless to say someone asked me to get my guests to leave as they were lowering the tone of the evening, I took exception to this and stared giving this ponce a piece of my mind, another chap came up and Debs fearing for my life thumped him one, after much kicking, biting and hair pulling the police finally ejected us from the club. Of course I remembered none of this Ann told me what happened next day when she got back from Tonys.
Sunday started much the same as Saturday except I was sick over Bernie, not having made it out of the forward berth after becoming disorientated during the night. Pip had lost a shoe on the way back to the boat, and Karen had a black eye and a loose tooth. Ann just had a silly grin. Debs was still asleep clutching a half empty wine bottle. Then Mary turned up she took one look at us all and immediately left. We all spent the rest of the day sleeping and finally it was time to go home. We’d had a great weekend on the boat and had worked well as a team. Can’t wait for next year.
Jim went to Burnham on Thursday night to move full circle onto the pontoon, unfortunately he left the boat keys at home and decided to go for a drink with a friend. He staggered in, after I’d gone to bed in a huff, because he hadn’t informed me where the hell he was and because he knew he’d lose millions of brownie points. He then buggered off to work early the next day before I was up.
I dragged the anchor that had been sitting on the living room floor out to the car on my own, swearing under my breath and planning just retribution. Got to the pontoon and thought the boat had been nicked, went to the office to report it stolen and met the friend who’d been drinking with Jim, who let the cat out of the bag, but offered to take me out to the boat and bring it back to the pontoon by way of compensation. Finally get boat on pontoon and can’t remember how to turn the power on, luckily Ann turns up and shows me how to do it, we want a cup of tea but neither of us know where to turn the gas on, so Ann flashes a leg a the bloke next to us on the pontoon and he does it for us. Karen turns up late as Patrick had a paddy because he had no clean socks and insisted she washed and tumble dried some for him to take away with him on the blokes weekend.
Debs and Bernie roll up a little later but Debs had already been on the bottle having finished work early, and since the kids had gone to grans and Neil , who gave up booze as a new years resolution was away, she certainly made the most of it. She staggered down the pontoon helped by a none too pleased Bernie who had worried all the way to Burnham that she’d throw up I the car. Luckily Debs just went to sleep in the car, however the motion of the pontoon jumping around in the wind was the last straw for debs poor stomach and she clutched onto one of the piles and promptly threw up into someone’s dingy. Happily it belonged to Jims drinking friend, so there is a god after all.
It took three of us to get debs on the boat and we dumped her in the aft cabin to sleep it off. Pip arrived shortly afterwards and we all stared in amazement as she staggered down the pontoon in her stilettos and mini skirt, she drew quite a lot of attention from other boat users especially the chap next door who had obviously rung a few friends to come and have a look at the bunch of mad women on the next boat. I wouldn’t let pip on the boat in her shoes and luckily had a spare of wellies I insisted she wore, which rather dented her appearance. She had apparently come from Brighton marina which explained everything, as we all know they don’t sail on the south coast, only using their boats as a fashion accessory. Bernie had enough clothes to open her own shop and proceeded to take up most of the locker space with her dresses to wear in the evening, she also complained about the lack of 3 pin plugs so how did I think she could use her hair dryer and straigtners?Karen in the meantime had filled the heads with most of the cosmetic counter from boots, and was bemoaning that the light was very poor for applying makeup. At this point I decided I needed a stiff drink and started on the wine everyone then joined in and after a few bottles we were much more relaxed, one of us occasionally checked Debs was still breathing. After a few more bottles we all felt hungry so I rang up the local Indian and got them to deliver to the pontoon, as it was dark then we flashed a torch up the pontoon so he knew where we were, as by that time none of us could have made it up to the shore. Debs woke up when she smelled food and as she felt thirsty started on the wine again. After eating we had a night cap of some of Jims best whisky, well the entire bottle between us but it was the coffee which finished me off. I can’t remember going to bed but apparently I shared a cabin with Bernie and kept her awake for most of the night with my snoring. The following morning the boat looked like a bomb site. None of us got up before midday and we all had hangovers, none of us felt like sailing so Ann, Debs and Myself went back to bed for the afternoon, and Bernie, Karen and Pip went off to do a bit of shopping at Lakeside. When we finally woke up we had tea, stugeron and paracetamol to make us feel better and ready to party at the Royal Corinthian disco.
The others eventually got back with yet more clothes and cosmetics. Bernie had decided she didn’t like the dress she’d bought for the evening so she’d got another, it was rather revealing so she was obviously going to be on the pull. Karen had had a manicure and full set of acrylics which were very nice. Pip obviously had some sort of shoe fetish and had brought 3 pairs, including a pair of white stilettos as a souvenir of her trip to Essex. We had a bottle of champagne to get us in the mood for partying and all got ready to go out.
It was then that I discovered that having left the house in a huff the previous day and having fell asleep in my clothes last night and what with not really getting up all day, I really had nothing to wear. Bernie very kindly offered me one of the dresses she didn’t want to wear but she’s a size 8 and I’m a 22 so that was a no no. I was very peed off by this time and of course it was all Jims fault I’d left my clothes at home, Then I had a brain wave, the perfect punishment for an errant sailing husband. I had told Jim we would use the cruising chute and use it I would. With a little help from the others I soon had a beautiful very slinky sarong to wear.
We went to the Yacht club via a few pubs to get in the mood for dancing. We arrived at the club to discover I’d mixed up the weekend events at the club.
I thought it has a disco, but it was a quiz night. We joined in anyway because we were all having trouble standing ( probably due to being on the boat all day). The first few rounds went ok but Bernie started getting loud and kept shouting at the start of the rounds ‘where’s the questions on machine embroidery’, Meanwhile Pip was eying up the cruising captain and Ann ( the quiet ones are always the worse) was no where to be seen having disappeared into the caller with the bar manager to find a bottle of her favourite wine. Needless to say someone asked me to get my guests to leave as they were lowering the tone of the evening, I took exception to this and stared giving this ponce a piece of my mind, another chap came up and Debs fearing for my life thumped him one, after much kicking, biting and hair pulling the police finally ejected us from the club. Of course I remembered none of this Ann told me what happened next day when she got back from Tonys.
Sunday started much the same as Saturday except I was sick over Bernie, not having made it out of the forward berth after becoming disorientated during the night. Pip had lost a shoe on the way back to the boat, and Karen had a black eye and a loose tooth. Ann just had a silly grin. Debs was still asleep clutching a half empty wine bottle. Then Mary turned up she took one look at us all and immediately left. We all spent the rest of the day sleeping and finally it was time to go home. We’d had a great weekend on the boat and had worked well as a team. Can’t wait for next year.
