FlyingDutchman
New member
What happened to the good old tradition of the Friday jokes?
Nobody?
I am Dutch, so don't expect me to tell a joke in English!
Nobody?
I am Dutch, so don't expect me to tell a joke in English!
Friday joke
- Thread starter FlyingDutchman
- Start date
wishbones
New member
A Friday joke for our Dutch friends:
Two Belgians are travelling in a lorry. They come to a bridge over the road, with a sign "Maximum height 2.80 metres"; their lorry has a height of 3.00 metres, so the driver stops. His mate jumps out of the cab, runs under the bridge, looks around, runs back and jumps into the cab, saying "It's o.k., there are no police around - let's go!"
Two Belgians are travelling in a lorry. They come to a bridge over the road, with a sign "Maximum height 2.80 metres"; their lorry has a height of 3.00 metres, so the driver stops. His mate jumps out of the cab, runs under the bridge, looks around, runs back and jumps into the cab, saying "It's o.k., there are no police around - let's go!"
mirabriani
New member
O.K. You'll be sorry...........
Dutch joke in the style of Tommy Cooper
Why do Dutch lovers wear clogs?
"So they can hear themselves
walking up the stairs"
"No, not like that"
I'll get my Fez
Briani
Dutch joke in the style of Tommy Cooper
Why do Dutch lovers wear clogs?
"So they can hear themselves
walking up the stairs"
"No, not like that"
I'll get my Fez
Briani
steve28
Active member
1. "I just bought a microwave fireplace...You can spend
an entire evening in front of it in only eight minutes."
2. An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.
He told her to 'Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it.'
About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
3. One day a blond realised her hair colour looked weird so she dyed it red. that day she was driving and her car broke down. there was a farm near by so she asked 'if i can guess how many sheep you have can i have one?' and the farmer agreed. she guessed 137 and that was right. then the farmer said 'if i can guess your real hair colour can i have my dog back?'
an entire evening in front of it in only eight minutes."
2. An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.
He told her to 'Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it.'
About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
3. One day a blond realised her hair colour looked weird so she dyed it red. that day she was driving and her car broke down. there was a farm near by so she asked 'if i can guess how many sheep you have can i have one?' and the farmer agreed. she guessed 137 and that was right. then the farmer said 'if i can guess your real hair colour can i have my dog back?'
tcm
...
There's this dutch bloke right, and he buys a load of royal wedding plates to frighten the flocks of birds off his boat. Preciction, not a joke really 
mainmarine
New member
A blind bloke in a pub. "I've got a blonde joke to tell" he announces to the regulars. A blonde comes up and says in a gruff voice. " I'm a blonde wrestler, my friend over there is a blonde kick boxer, my other friend is a blonde weight lifter. do you still want to tell the blonde joke?". " No" says the blind man, " I don't want to have to repeat it three times"
Landale
Member
Not perhaps PC but playing both sides of the coin so I don't upset my relatives in both camps (who told me these jokes), although probably be banned from N & B as well as cut out of wills and inccur the wrath of Kim:
How do Dutch housewives make custard?
Take a yellow bowl, fill it with warm water!
Why do Belgian women have square nipples?
So their children know how to eat chips!
How do Dutch housewives make tomato soup?
I think you can work this out yourselves!
How do Dutch housewives make custard?
Take a yellow bowl, fill it with warm water!
Why do Belgian women have square nipples?
So their children know how to eat chips!
How do Dutch housewives make tomato soup?
I think you can work this out yourselves!
FlyingDutchman
New member
I don't like tomato soup....
Landale
Member
/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
steve28
Active member
A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, 'Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?'
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, 'It's $1.00 per word.' The brunette thinks about this and says,'Comfortable, write that.'
'Comfortable?' the guy questions.
'Yes, you see she reads slow.'
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, 'Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?'
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, 'It's $1.00 per word.' The brunette thinks about this and says,'Comfortable, write that.'
'Comfortable?' the guy questions.
'Yes, you see she reads slow.'
George
New member
Two parrots sat on a pearch one says to the other
" can you smell fish! "
" can you smell fish! "
Johnjo
New member
Little Johny's mother decided to tell him all about making babies..
So she had "the talk" with him..
Afterwards little Johny just sat there silently for a while....
"Do you understand" his mother asked...
"Yes" replied little Johny...
"Do you have any questions" asked his mother....
"Yes" how about the little kittens and puppies asked little Johny...
"In exactly the same way as with babies" answered his mum....
"WOW" Little Johny exclaimed...
"Daddy will screw anything"....
So she had "the talk" with him..
Afterwards little Johny just sat there silently for a while....
"Do you understand" his mother asked...
"Yes" replied little Johny...
"Do you have any questions" asked his mother....
"Yes" how about the little kittens and puppies asked little Johny...
"In exactly the same way as with babies" answered his mum....
"WOW" Little Johny exclaimed...
"Daddy will screw anything"....
philmarks
Member
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other off....
Just like that see....
Tommy Cooper RIP
They charged one and let the other off....
Just like that see....
Tommy Cooper RIP
JAYEL
New member
Magician gets job on the Titanic. Every evening has to do show for passengers.
Every evening Captain, complete with Parrot on shoulder watches show.
Every show, just as magician comes to climax of trick, Parrot spoils trick by squarking "its up his sleve"; "its behind his back", etc.
Come the fatefull night Titanic hits iceberg, the magician and the parrot end up alone,marooned in a lifeboat.
After total silence from both Magician and Parrot for one week,sitting at opposite ends of lifeboat, the Parrot finally squarks.
" OK, I give up, What have you done with the bloody ship?".
Every evening Captain, complete with Parrot on shoulder watches show.
Every show, just as magician comes to climax of trick, Parrot spoils trick by squarking "its up his sleve"; "its behind his back", etc.
Come the fatefull night Titanic hits iceberg, the magician and the parrot end up alone,marooned in a lifeboat.
After total silence from both Magician and Parrot for one week,sitting at opposite ends of lifeboat, the Parrot finally squarks.
" OK, I give up, What have you done with the bloody ship?".
AGalloway
New member
It's disgusting that the magician and the parrot had an entire lifeboat to themselves. Think how many more perished souls could have been saved had the organisation of abandoning ship by crew been better undertaken midst the panic. It's only now that we've got the technology via satelitte TV that these things are coming to light...
LeonF
Active member
Man goes to the doctor.
Doctor says 'Strange, the hairs on your head are very grey but not the ones down there'.
Man replies ' I've got no worries down there'.
Doctor says 'Strange, the hairs on your head are very grey but not the ones down there'.
Man replies ' I've got no worries down there'.
