Friday joke

[janeK]

THE BUFFALO THEORY
(In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this...)
"Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."



<hr width=100% size=1>If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

 

[LittleShip]

OK I'll play !!

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one
night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor
asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde
replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit
suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my
chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these
breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just
paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not
shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going
to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear
before I pulled the trigger."

/forums/images/icons/smile.gif



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I wish I'd been born rich instead of good looking ?

 

[Goodge]

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the Pharmacist for some rectum
deodorant. The Pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the Pharmacist that she has been buying the
stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the Pharmacist, "we don't have any".
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the
container and hands it to the Pharmacist who looks at it and says to
her,
"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant".
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from
the
container.........

"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."


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[Goodge]

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and
jogged 8 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed
that he was tanned all over except his "thingie." So he decided to do
something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried
himself in the sand, except for his thingie" which he left sticking up.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing
the "thingie" sticking up over the sand, she began to move it around with
her cane, remarking to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world."
The other lady asked what she meant. She said, when I was 20, I was curious
about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I begged for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70,
I forgot about it. Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on
the beach and I'm too old to squat


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[MikeZ]

Bloke phones a house and a little voice on the other end of the line answers:
(Whispering) Hello.
Bloke: Hello. Is your mother there?
Little voice: (Whispering) Yes.
Bloke: Can I speak to her please?
Little voice: (Whispering) No, she's very busy.
Bloke: OK then is your father there?
Little voice: (Whispering) Yes.
Bloke: Can I speak to him please?
Little voice: (Whispering) No, he's really really busy.
Bloke: Well is anyone else there?
Little voice: (Whispering) Yes. Some policemen.
Bloke: Some policemen?
Little voice: (Whispering) Yes.
Bloke: Well can I speak to one of them please?
Little voice: (Whispering) No, they're really busy.
Bloke: Well is anyone else there?
Little voice: (Whispering) Yes. Some firemen.
Bloke: Some firemen?
Little voice: (Whispering) Yes.
Bloke: Well can I speak to one of them please?
Little voice: (Whispering) No, they're really busy.
Bloke: So let me get this straight. You're there with your mother, your father, some policemen and some firemen but they are all too busy to come to the phone.
Little voice: (Whispering) That's right.
Bloke: Well what are they all doing?





















Little voice: (Whispering) Looking for me.


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[1114C]

My favourite one in Cheers was when Norm walks in to the bar

Woody - beer is it Mr Peterson
Norm - bit early isn't it
Woody (in shock) - what for a beer?
Norm - no, stupid questions like that

Still makes me laugh!

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[philmarks]

Yeh and then there was the Irishman who went into the pharmacy and asked for some deodorant.

Pharmacist replied
"do you want the ball type sir?"

"no thanks, I want the the type for my rear, you know my aerosol"

<hr width=100% size=1>Rgds
Phil

 

[AJW]

Or the "Old Swedish Chemist shop" from Not the Nine O'Clock News...

(Only works with fake Swedish accent)

"Hullo I'd like to buy some deoderant"
"Ball or Aer-s-ol?"
"Neither, I want it for my armpits"

Doesn't work written down does it?!

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[DickB]

That made me laugh out loud... Very good Nothing else to do on a wet boring Saturday morning. Maybe I'll go and wash the bird s__t off my boat!!!

<hr width=100% size=1>Dick