Friday Humor

[martinwoolwich]

A man is sitting reading his newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" He asks "That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name of Mary Ellen written on it" she replies.

"Don't be silly " he says "Two weeks ago when I went to the races Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on". She seems satisfied at this and apologizes.

Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes around he asks "What was that for?"

"Your f****** g horse phoned"

 

[byron]

I don't believe it, for a start how could a horse pick out the numbers on a phone's keypad, if it was a dial it would be even harder. Yup! She has a right to be suspicious.

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[paul_lomax]

If her name was Ester Ransen i'd believe it..

 

[paulineb]

What's black and white and has a rude name?
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Sister Mary Bernadette F*ck

Pxx

 

[boomer]

I can't believe you said that, Pauline. Just get dressed and come back into my consulting room. We need to discuss your medication.

 

[Col]

Alex Ferguson calls Beckham into his office. 'David', he says, 'I need to
> talk to you about your performance against Leeds the other night, you were
> bloody hopeless, completely off form.' 'Sorry boss', says David. 'I've not
> been myself lately. I've got a few problems at home.' 'Oh dear' says
> Fergie, 'What's up? Posh & the kids Ok?' 'Oh, they're fine; it's just that
> something is really bugging me and I'm losing sleep and everything. I
> can't concentrate on my football and it's really messing me head up.'
> 'Whatever's the matter?' says Fergie 'Well boss, It's pretty serious.
> Victoria bought this jigsaw puzzle the other day and.........' 'A
> JIGSAW??' shouts Sir Alex. 'You're playing Sh*t because of a jigsaw?'
> 'Yeah boss, but you don't understand, it's really doing me head in!' says
> David, 'It's really hard, it's this picture of a Tiger and it looks really
> easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I
> just can't get it right and it's doing my head in and, and.........'
> 'David, David, David' says Fergie, 'You better get a grip son and quick.'
> 'Ok boss, but.............It's this picture of a Tiger and it looks really
> easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I
> can't do it and it's doing my head in and....... and....it's a Tiger and
> it looks easy but it's really hard and er, it's a Tiger and everything,
> er.. on the box... er..... sorry boss.' 'Ok, Ok' says Sir Alex, 'bring in
> the blo*dy jigsaw and let's have a look shall we. It can't be that
> difficult'. 'Thanks boss.' says David.
>
> So Becks brings in the jigsaw and takes it to Fergie's office. 'Here it is
> boss' he says, showing Ferguson the picture on the box, look boss, it's a
> Tiger right, and it's a really good picture and everything but I just
> can't do it and it's really hard and it's doing my head in and
> everything..' Becks empties all the pieces from the box all over Fergie's
> desk. Sir Alex looks at what's on the desk, looks up with his head in his
> hands and says to Beckham...........
>
>
>
>
> (Trust me, it's worth it)
>
>
>
>
>
> 'Put the f***ing Frosties back in the box David'


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