feeling a bit down, could do with a joke or two

[cliffdale]

Whilst I was away for the weekend sorting out the deposit for my sports cruiser, some bast**d broke into my house, robbing SHMBo of all her jewels and caused £7000 of damage.

To top this, the sale of Piccolo is going so slow its almost un believeable. Now the surveyor cant come to early December. So no new boat yet!

Got a good joke anyone to cheer me up?

CD

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[gonfishing]

Hi Cliff
We have been "done "3 times, Home twice, Shop once, can't describe how I felt. Had more calls from Victim support than the Plod,However spent a couple of weeks travelling around the more seedier boozers in my area finding out ,who is what, made some unlikely" friends " haven't been bothered since, could be coincidence of course, but gave me some satisfaction!!!!!!

now it's lock change, alarm, and camera time. been there, made me feel sick!!!!
rgds
julian



.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[gonfishing]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze.When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot. Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I am just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me huh? Who the heck are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?" The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name a rotweiller Jesus..."

IS IT helping???

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[truebrit]

Larry LaPrise the bloke who wrote the Hokey Cokey has died aged 93.The worst part was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in.......... then the f***!!g trouble started !!

<hr width=100% size=1>Mike....... V8s are sweet music

 

[truebrit]

The FBI raided Michael Jacksons home,They found class a drugs in the kitchen,class B drugs in the lounge and class 5c in the bedroom!!!

<hr width=100% size=1>Mike....... V8s are sweet music

 

[ArthurWood]

Sorry to hear that, Cliff. I think I would go ballistic if it happened to me. My sister-in-law has been burgled(burglarized) three timesi in Glos. It's another reason we don't come back to live in the UK.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[tr7v8]

OK we are still trying to puzzle this one out.
Cousin lives at end of fairly long cul de sac and has 96 Vauxhall Vectra.
Tuesday night car is nicked at around 16:00 from about 20 yards from his house.
Neighbour heard alarm briefly and it drive off. Fine thought he its gone Oh well.
Last night at around 20:00 comes out of house walks up towards his garage and loh and behold is his Vectra, minus engine, most of it's dashboard, expensive stereo all side windows smashed. Now what sort of car thief returns the dead car from where he nicked it?
He then phones local police who say Scene of Crimes will want to look at that, we'll come down tomorrow and tow it away, Oh by the way it's £ 160 for the towing and so much per day for storage, don't worry your insurance will pay it.
We've just had our rates increase by 20% and the payment to the Kent & East Sussex Police go up by 30%, umm nuff said.

<hr width=100% size=1>Jim

Draco 2500

 

[cliffdale]

Yep they nicked the spare house keys. All locks changed, alarm being fitted tomorrow.

Thats my insurance up, and a bite of the boat deposit gone. Not a nice feeling.

Jokes are funny, made me laugh.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[DavidJ]

Florida property crime rate is 4.6%

Out of interest I looked up the Florida property crime rate and it was 4.6% in 2002 (Thats 4631 crimes for every 100,000 properties). I don't think ours is anything like that. However yours is getting better it was 7% in 1993
Ref
http://www.fdle.state.fl.us/FSAC/Crime_Trends



<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[ArthurWood]

Re: Florida property crime rate is 4.6%

David - that is an average no. for FL of course. Where we live, I suspect it's <1%, judging by the weekly police reports we get in our local rag.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[DavidJ]

Re: Florida property crime rate is 4.6%

Arthur, It's quite interesting looking at some of the stats for eg in the Uk 2% of people suffer 41% of the property crime so like everywhere I guess it depends where you live. Another gem is that most crime is within 1.8 miles of the criminals residence so they don't travel very far.
Lets hope that thee and me can stay on the other side of the statistics.
take care
David

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[ArthurWood]

Re: Florida property crime rate is 4.6%

David - touch wood, we have only been done once and that was many years ago in Seville when our car was broken into. Passports, tickets, house keys etc were solen but they left the duty free!. It was a major inconvenience, nothing of consequence was lost which could not be replaced.
Just as we were about to emigrate, our house in Berks was broken into - they came through the roof then dropped down through the loft access door. There were only a few things in the house like a TV and bits and pieces which they had made into a pile in the lounge ready to come back for, but the gardener noticed a door ajar and thwarted them. I'll give them 10/10 for cheek!
Now I'm orf across the road to the marina for turkey lunch - it's turkey day, otherwise known as Thanksgiving. Can't drink much as I have to drive to Tampa in an hour to pick up sister-in-law arriving from the UK. Cheers!

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[DavidJ]

Arthur, if you\'re still on this thread

Arthur, Have you heard of an air con company called Ocean Breeze apparently the units are made by Quorum Marine & Electronics 1305 SE Dixie Hwy, Stuart, Florida 34994
They make UK spec units for about £1000 for the complete kit for a 16000 btu unit.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[Rabbie]

Re: Florida property crime rate is 4.6%

George Phillips of Orlando Florida was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
“Hello. I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot all the sons of bitches ! .” Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”



<hr width=100% size=1>The line between balls and lunacy is very thin.

 

[ArthurWood]

Re: Arthur, if you\'re still on this thread

David - I've heard of Ocean Breeze, but I know nothing about them. I wd say that at least 90% of new & newish boats over here have Cruisair/MarineAir systems. As I may have mentioned to you before, we have two and in almost 10 yr of heavy use winter and summer + dehumid we have only had to replace a controller and a control board at a cost of about $250 total. Last week the circ pump gave up and that will cost about $200. Not bad, IMHO, for 10 yr.
I see that at WMarine, MarineAir 16000Btu complete systems sell for just under $2K. Is the Ocean Air a portable unit? If so, wld you want one of those things stuck on a htch on your smart boat?/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[ArthurWood]

Correction

David - I meant Ocean Breeze and just looked them up. I see they make a variety of units, but is all I know.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[jfm]

Re: Arthur, if you\'re still on this thread

David, remeber also the cruiseair/marine air have a dehumid fiunction. This might be worth the extra $$$. You press a combination of buttons on the control (there is no actual dehumid button) and the display lights up Hu. It then functions as dehumidifier, turning on/off using a humidistat. Quite handy. We leave ours on this setting all winter. Also it means the system comes on now and again, which I spect is better for the pumps and seals than standing still for months

 

[DavidJ]

Re: Arthur, if you\'re still on this thread

thanks Arthur and jfm. Arthur, I still have all your useful information from before and you're probably wondering why I'm still taliking about it and havent done it. Signs are pointing towards Marineair and with the $ being favourable against the £ might be worth opening the dialogue again with
the company
thanks for help
David

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[Birdseye]

Re: Correction

the comparitive stats for gloucestershire is 1490 burglaries per 100000 households. so you would be better off (statistically) back here

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[ArthurWood]

Re: Correction

Lies, damned lies and statistics/forums/images/icons/smile.gif. I think it is meaningless to look at a large geographic area and apply such statistics as a criterion for a place to live, because they will vary so much by town, locality etc, is indeed they do here in Florida. As I mentioned earlier, the number of burglaries on this island with a max winter pop. of ~24,000 and a summer one of ~8,000 is negligible.

<hr width=100% size=1>