Fear? Nerves? Stress related? Irrational? Advise/guidance please

[D3B]

I have only been boating for a few years but have put in many hours and until recently thorougly enjoyed all my experiences motorboating.
I have taken courses to guide me through the learning curve and have always felt very competant.

The problems I have had with the boat since new have been well documented on here and seem to have been finally sorted.

My problem is this:
Since the engine problems earlier this year (3 failures/problems in a short period of time) I have a problem leaving any berth. About 2 hours before departure I get a rush of nervous fear, stomach churning over, and start to feel ill. This has got so bad that I am phisically sick before departure. It has even got to the stage that when I start a passage plan (and type this post) sitting at my desk in the office I get the same reaction with the exception of being ill.

I had put this down to the problems with the boat and hoped that our recent trip to Holland and Belgium would reassure my mind that everything was alright. It hasn't! But the boat peformed magificently.

The result is that last weekend I decided to give up boating, at least on the sea, and return to the river. So have put the boat up for sale and am trying to sell some nav equipment. Selling price is a bit of a hit, which I am not too happy about.

I have met a host of very nice people since taking up this hobby. Several friends have been trying to persuade me to wait a bit longer to see if things go back to where they were earlier this year and last year....a healthy respect for the sea!

Will this irrational fear & nervous period go with time?
Or will it always haunt me now?

Hopefully there may be some experienced boaters on here who have seen something similar and give rational help and guidance.

Doug

 

[Kilter]

It seems that the cumulative effect of the 3 engine failures has proved traumatic to you. Stress resulting from trauma does go away eventually, treatment , eg for PTSD cases, involves desensitising the person affected. Maybe go boating on friends boats for a bit and then do some stuff with your boat with someone along to support you.

 

[DAKA]

Could it be a result of too much beer and a dodgy curry the night before ?

I dont know what you could do if it is that, ask the Doc for anti sickness pills I expect.


PM sent.

 

[[2068]]

It isn't entirely irrational, I'm sure I had a similar feeling taking out the first boat for the first time, but if it's happening because of everything getting bigger / more responsiblity / bigger & further trips, another approach would be to scale down the passages, maybe keep the current boat, but just trundle her up and down the river for the rest of the season, and get back to associating boating with relaxation rather than stress.

When it gets a bit much sometimes, I'm lucky enough to be able to go to East Head, anchor, and chill. It must be at least, errm, 1 mile across the harbour...

You don't have to keep going further & more offshore to continue to enjoy boating. My S28 still hasn't been past the Needles !

dv.

 

[Strake]

First of all, you are not alone....! In fact, you are very normal. Many people suffer from this type of anxiety in sports, hobbbies or just life in general. The symptoms you describe are fairly typical of the "flight" part of the human beings fight or flight mechanisim kicking-in by flooding your body with adrenalin. Sometimes, this reaction is very rational..ie, you are in danger. Other times, it is caused by irrational thoughts generated in your mind. As someone who has gone through all this in "another life", I can suggest that these thoughts will not go away just by the passing of time. They will only go away if you decided that you will not let them ruin a hobby you enjoy and decide to do something about it. On the basis that you are as good a motorboater as any of the rest of us by having had training and experience, it would appear that your thoughts are indeed more than just sensible concern and border on irrational. Therefore, unless you just decide to give up, you need to do something about it. You could, as has been suggested, just go boating with others whom you trust and respect. That might take away all the fears you have about yourself. Otherwise, doing something about it means understanding your negative thoughts and why you have them, plotting your thought process and developing little "exits" in your mind that allow you to escape from the whirlwind of destructive thinking. This probably needs to be done with the help of a professional and for ten sessions at about £30 is not really that expensive as part of your motoboat training..which, I think, is the way you should see it.
Happy to talk further if you wish to pm me.

 

[MedDreamer]

I am always nervous when putting to sea, partly I think because I don't want to foul up and damage anything (especially MY boat if I'm honest). Mainly though its just part of having a healthy awareness of the sea and associated risks. I don't like the feeling but in some ways I'm glad I feel it.

I know much more experienced foriumites than me who still feel the same.

I'm even more nervous coming back into the berth! I always expect to mess it up but in honestly can't remember the last time I did.

I will confess though that we lost all confidence in our last boat after three outdrive failures and the only reason we are boating this year is because we changed boats.

Ultimately we do it for enjoyment and if you are not enjoying then you are doing the right thing. Although why not keep the Sealine for the rivers rather than take a hit. I am sure the boat will get sorted and then at least you always have the option of a quick dabble into open water if you fancy trying again.

Martyn

 

[Will33]

Hi Doug

Sorry to hear this, I obviously know the background to the problems you had with the boat and I was genuinley thrilled for you when it appeared the problems had been resolved. I know how easy it is to loose faith in a boat (or an engine at least) and this may still, at the back of your mind, be where the problem lies, even though the boat appears to have been put right.

You are of course welcome anytime to come out with me in a bid to restore your confidence!!. Perhaps worth trying to run the Sealine on the broads for a while and see how you feel with the boat.

I certainly got to the point with my boat when it had the old engine in that regardless of how well the boat was running I would never have taken it out to sea due to my lack of faith in its reliabilty.

Let me know if you are in the area and we can catch up

Will

 

[RIN]

Doug

It takes time and trouble free boating to get over this but it is possible - have sent you a PM

Richard

 

[Greg2]

Doug,
Obviously I am aware of some of the issues around your troubles and I am realy sorry to hear that you are considering giving up on the sea as a result, although I do understand.

Time and experience are actually great healers so the suggestion that you keep the boat and use it on the Broads for a season or two with perhaps the odd hop between Gt. Yarmouth and Lowestoft may be worth considering?

Whatever you decide I wish you well. Always happy to chat (you know where I am).

 

[Deleted User YDKXO]

Same with me, Martyn. I still get edgy before a sea passage myself particularly if sea conditions are marginal or the boat has a mechanical problem. I try to rationalise this feeling but the fact remains that we actually have experienced many problems in the past during passages of various types such as bad weather, mechanical problems, prop foulings or whatever so feeling edgy is perfectly reasonable. In fact, I would say that if you're not just a little bit edgy before taking your boat to sea, you're probably too complacent or plain stupid
But the flip side of this is that because boating is sometimes challenging and not without risk, you do get a tremendous sense of achievement when you do reach your destination after a long passage or execute a difficult berthing manouvre or follow an intricate passage plan or overcome any of the problems that boats throw at us. I dont know whether anyone else thinks like this but, for me, it is precisely because boating presents you with a different set of problems that it allows you to relax and forget about the other problems you have in your life at work or at home and is'nt that why many of us go boating?

 

[rickp]

Yup - agree with all you say particularly about the sense of achievement. I'm still wary, cautious and nervous about going into new places, but once there feel tremendous about the passage and berthing/anchoring (even if it was a bit of a balls up /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Rick

 

[MedDreamer]

[ QUOTE ]
it is precisely because boating presents you with a different set of problems that it allows you to relax and forget about the other problems you have

[/ QUOTE ]

That's exactly it Mike. The paradox is that although we experience stress with boating the overall effect is one of total relaxation. Weird really isn't it.

The other thing for me is that the nerves don't come immediately before a passage; its probably the day before that I feel it worse. Once the time comes I just get on with doing the job and the nerves have disappeared.

 

[Major Catastrophe]

You describe the symptoms actors get with stage fright, which can come on after years treading the boards.

Maybe you need to do a 'Magnum' and downsize to a day boat for a bit. That is if you want to get back onto the horse, of course.

I used to suffer from very bad 'dry mouth' and would sit around in the marina plucking up the courage to go out and it was even worse coming back in.

There is always an anxiety before going out, but I work through it by doing the 'pre-flight' checks. Once I am out, everything is fine, but it is the beginning and the end that raises the anxiety level.

 

[Bergman]

I suppose first and foremost it is a hobby.

We are meant to enjoy it - and plainly you don't

Thats not a failing its just the way things are - I don't enjoy football!

Having said that I think there is an element of blame for this on all the stuff on here about planning and safety and all the rest.

I think we plan too much and think too much about what can go wrong.

I hate and detest planning - lets go and take things as they come. You learn the skills and you equip the boat so why not.

SWIMBO and I have set off frequently in the course of an argument about where we should go - and as often as not we have gone somewhere neither of us originally said.

Yes we've had problems but we are still around and still enjoying it.

There is a post in another place advise advanced study of the chart for Loch Ness.

Fair enough really but - its a lake - its deep in the middle and shallow round the edge - do you need to know more well maybe - so keep an eye on the sounder.

People seem to spend more time looking for hazards and dangers than they do just sailing - isn't that what the training is for - to enable you to deal with the hazards when they occur.

As Sleightholme used to say "cast off for'ard cast off aft and off you go - you'll be right."

I'm not saying set out in the teeth of a F9 - just reasonable sense really - most people most of the time are within 2 hours of a haven probably much less in a motor boat. Listen to VHF watch the sky - if its going to turn nasty you'll soon recognise it and head in.

Like tides - people whitter on about tides and and tidal windows and the rest. Well OK a few places you have to, but it is a few - mostly you get there either sooner or later and unless you have a schedule (and damn you if you do) does it matter? If you miss a tide well they're like buses - theres always the next one. If you can't get into a marina well anchor somewhere or do like SWIMBO and I did waiting to get into Wells the other week - we just sat and drifted.

My point really is that taking things too seriously spoils many peoples fun - yes get the training, be properly equipped but then stop worrying just take things as they come - lifes too short

 

[MedDreamer]

I do agree that the forums can induce paranoia. We do tend to ovedose on problem threads rather than the pleasures of boating. Human nature I suppose, problems and complaints motivate people to post. We don't see many "I just thought I would let you know everything on the boat is OK" threads.

There is a fun side to it as well, but some of the horror stories on here can quite often blind to you to it.

 

[powerskipper]

You will get over it, its in some way I think the responsibility of all that boating involves that gets scary!!! You need to Play with the boat, make it a toy again and not this big heavy weight weighing you down. I May be wrong but I have been there, done that. /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

 

[Nautorius]

Doug,

Most on here put on a brave face but we all feel like you from time to time. I once bought a new chapparal 205SSE that was an amazing boat. Only Issue was that when cold it would just cut out. This was rarely a problem on Windermere but when heading for the fuel pontoon in cherbourg it was the last straw. I did get the engine sorted under warranty and it was great after that but I always had the niggling issue. Once launching at hamble point with the flood heading out and the boat about to go in I was petrified! Fortunately I controlled my fear and got on with it....but never easy.

When I picked up my new boat 7 weeks ago and was due to take it on a 7 hour passage around to the non-tidal thames I could not sleep the night before. Partially it was an unknown boat, partially it was having my family on board and partially it was rationalle thought! If you were not concerned I would be more worried by it all.

I would recommend holding onto the boat a few more months and using her on the Broads or Thames. That should rebuild your condfidence in her somewhat.

At the end of the day your feelings are quite normal and you are obviously man enough to discuss on here so all your marbles are there!

I am no phsycologist but maybe a bit of therapy might help. In the mean time do not despair, we are all here to listen and you have a great boat now all those hundreds of niggles are sorted.

Hang in there, you enjoy it too much to go cold turkey!

Cheers

Paul

 

[oldgit]

A few very "interesting experiences" involving very empty bits of lumpy sea and some very broken petrol boats remain indelibly engraved on my mind even after 20 years,but although not forgotten, once you start building up a nice big pile of uneventful boring trips the memories fade into the background.Always raises a smile when folks shoot off all directions without a care in the world on journies that would have me seriously thinking twice about going.Going to Holland would be a major consideration for me and would certainly not undertake it in my present boat at any price.So well done you for taking on the challenge.
Everybody at some time has spent the previous night before a trip thinking up highly improbable disaster scenerios which will no doubt occur in quick succession the following day.

 

[blueglass]

echo many of the sentiments voiced here. We've all been there. Interesting to hear that for many, it is simply the act of getting the boat off the pontoon that causes the raised heartbeat, dry mouth syndrome, and not the passage itself. Crazy really when the worst we are going to do is scratch a bit of gelcoat. Actually the worst aspect is our irrational fear of appearing to fail in front of our peers. If you were the only boat in a deserted marina I'm sure the feeling would not present itself.
I always find also when boating with like minded and capable crew on board, I feel fine. It's when it's just yourself and partner that the feeling of sole responsibilty cuts in. So dont feel in any way inadequate- your just the same as everybody else.

 

[SteveBates]

Not a frivolous comment but have you considered a hypnotist ? I thought it was a load of bunkum untill a freind stopped smoking after 20 years of trying. You don't want to loose all fear as that would be dangerous. We all have to respect the sea, I mask mine with humour (and impatience), you have probably noticed.
All the best.

Steve.