Dundee Disaster....humour...NB

Bejasus

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A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Dundee in the early hours of Monday.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "whit the F&#k" and "Whaurd that comfae?".
The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Baldovie skip were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.
Grampian News reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the area.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 fae Ormiston Crescent said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Levi-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two: Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Chantelle slept through it all, as well as my great granny Lorraine. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning.
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, loads of Provie cheques and Bone China from Poundstrecher.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, the most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits(female), white sport socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&Hs and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of Mid Craigie, Fintry & St Marys


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chris_db4

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As a Student Volunteer in dundee at the moment all gift aid should be sent to me for fair distribution, Bingo hall prizes, also the loan of any local vessels would greatly help moving some of the more disturbed people out of the area and they will be returned to there home port with no electrics and speed stripes PLUS a big fake chrome exhaust!!! thats right folks Fake! does it get any better than this. please remember that donations made using credit cards or switch you should tell our operator to gift aid the money, it costs no extra to you but we get some more.

so if you have a boat in the med and feel like helping some students send the keys NOW!

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jimi

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must hae been me striding across ra square!

<hr width=100% size=1>.. whit way roon should it be again ..
 

Bergman

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Hilarious

Never been to Dundee. No intention of going now

May be good idea if you follow suit

PS

Was production of cake and marmalade affected


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Jeremy_W

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>>No, but I think the last episodes of the Broons and Oor Wullie, may be in some jeopardy.

So it's pretty serious then! A major earthquake in Dundee could probably be heard in St Andrews over the sound of Yahs snoring in Art History lectures.





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