'Desperate' of Dunfanaghy

L

longjohnsadler

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\'Desperate\' of Dunfanaghy

Unfortunately, due to recent comments on this site by a silver-tongued member of the forum, my wife has started trying to pass herself off in company as my daughter.
The mental strain has produced a nervous tic in the right side of my face, just above the cheek-bone, and is most pronounced when she is applying this little deception. Disconcertingly, I have noticed several people raising their eyebrow and winking back.
Matters reached crisis point only this morning, when the receptionist of a Donegal country hotel slammed the receiver down after being asked to book the honeymoon suite for 'Mr. L.J.Sadler and daughter'.
What should I do?

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Advice from the Solent

What should you do? Well it's a phenomenon often seen in these parts. The solution seems to be:

1 Shave off beard.
2. Use shaved whiskers to construct a chest wig.
3.Wear a gold medallion, chunky gold bracelet, chunky gold Rolex. (or gold-coloured, anyway)
4. Refer to SWMBO as "Totty"
5. Buy a motorboat.




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Re: Advice from the Solent

Done all that, any other ideas?

Maybe I could pretend to be her uncle?

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Re: \'Desperate\' of Dunfanaghy

Quite easy .. you just need to age her a wee bit. This can be done by hiding the makeup, hairdye,breaking the dishwasher,fusing the washing machine and filling the steam iron with white wine. Oh and buy a bigger boat

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Re: Advice from the Solent

don't forget the skin tight jeans and Peter Stringfellows tan and highlights.

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Re: Longjohnsilver

Wait a minute. This is getting rather confusing. I know Longjohnsilver was registered first, but Longjohnsadler is what I was christened at birth, which gives me precedence. Kindly change your name to something else

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Something else

Doesn't sound as good as LJS. Think I'll keep my name thanks /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

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What do you mean

your wife.
Don't be silly. She can't be 18. And I have to say, I caught you trying to get her to eat all those oysters and attempting to seduce her with all that Babycham and I didn't think it was a nice thing to do. At your age - should be ashamed of yourself.

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Claymore
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Re: What do you mean

I have to say, without wishing to seem ungentlemanly, the 3/4 bottle of old Superstition you'd consumed prior to entering the Tayvallich Inn might have clouded your memory. I distinctly have no recollection of any Babycham (though I'm not sure about those oysters. Left me feeling a bit queasy. Sure thats not the effect they're supposed to have)

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Re: What do you mean

Superstition or no
I definately saw you plying that sweet young thing with at least 3 pints of babycham
Talking about Oysters...I think it must have been a very brave person who ate the first one, I mean think about it - you're wandering along a rocky shore and come to a kind of black looking stone with a few barnacles stuck to it. Your think to yourself "Hmm, looks interestin" pull out your knife and find that the thing opens up and rather strange slimey snotty lump is sitting there and you just think "hey, ho" and swallow it. Very Brave.

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Claymore
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Re: Quality control report please.

I'm sure at least one of them worked. And I think another had a sort of delayed reaction. However we don't want to go feeding Claymore's rampant imagination, so I think its best we draw a veil over the whole episode. Apparantly he musn't get too excited.

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Too late

I'm excited.
Dear Heart said that when we parted you were off to catch crabs.
I don't suppose you'll be wanting to discuss that either?

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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Re: Too late

That last was a private aside between Ken and myself.
Now, if you don't mind, I think I can feel one of my headaches coming on.....

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