defra are watching you!

Bosun Higgs

Bosun Higgs

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checked into qab today and was required to fill in a form for defra '' declaration regarding means of disposal of catering waste from a means of transport operating internationally''. Required name, address, boat reg number, etc etc.

Apparently by filling in this form we are going to avoid any future import of diseased things from ash trees to zebra mussels and chinese pig food, not to mention bush meat of course. And of course having sailed from wales to england i have operated internationally

And being hmg, they havent got the wit to integrate this with other border controls and do it all on line. Stiil we shall all be safe in future
 
Once got the ferry from Guernsey to Poole, and was asked at customs if I was importing any meat. I replied that I had the remains of a corned beef sandwich I'd bought on the ferry; they didn't find it very funny. Oops.
 
Once came back with the car from France having bought a real farmyard cockerel (dead and dressed) in a Normandy market. Customs bloke (we stopped because we were over the limit on wine) asked if we'd bought anything else. Madame coughed on the cockerel. "It'll have to be incinerated" quoth customs bloke. "Can I incinerate in the oven? " asked Madame, straight off. "I'm sure that would be in order," he said.
 
A1Sailor said:
Once got the ferry from Guernsey to Poole, and was asked at customs if I was importing any meat. I replied that I had the remains of a corned beef sandwich I'd bought on the ferry; they didn't find it very funny. Oops.
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My daughter and a friend went to New York. Those lovely American Immigration people asked if they were importing any fruit. "Well" said friend slightly sarcastically, "I've got this apple I haven't eaten yet." She was promptly frog-marched off on suspicion of importing a banned product.
 
a friend of mine got banned from the US after they found a quantity of canabis in the tread of the sole of his shoes, he had just come from amsterdam
he tried humour and they tried to do him importing drugs
it was only his employers that got him released

he worked for enron
 
Fascinating that Defra are completely incompetent when it comes to carrying out their core business, the administration of Agricultural schemes and here they go trying to find out what happens to peelings. Rainbow chasers.
 
trapezeartist said:
My daughter and a friend went to New York. Those lovely American Immigration people asked if they were importing any fruit. "Well" said friend slightly sarcastically, "I've got this apple I haven't eaten yet." She was promptly frog-marched off on suspicion of importing a banned product.
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It was a bit like that with me and my corned beef sandwich at Poole ferryport. I was "at sea" where drink is duty-free anyway, don't smoke nor wear perfume; but they went through my stuff with a fine tooth comb and even took my camera to bits to check the serial numbers! Nobody likes a clever dick...
 
Twister_Ken said:
Once came back with the car from France having bought a real farmyard cockerel (dead and dressed) in a Normandy market. Customs bloke (we stopped because we were over the limit on wine) asked if we'd bought anything else. Madame coughed on the cockerel. "It'll have to be incinerated" quoth customs bloke. "Can I incinerate in the oven? " asked Madame, straight off. "I'm sure that would be in order," he said.
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I carried out a bank audit in the Congo and one of the employees was caught stealing money. Asked what happened to the money, apparently he (as well as getting married and inviting the bank staff, and investing in an Angolan business which Mobuto promptly nationalized) bought some illicit diamonds in the interior. In order to bring them back to the capital, he shot a monkey and hid the diamonds inside it. He was stopped at a road check and was asked for his hunting permit. Not having one, they confiscated the monkey.
 
I've always found that if you are polite and do what is asked there is never a problem. They are just doing their job, to earn the cash to feed their nearest and dearest.
 
claymore said:
Fascinating that Defra are completely incompetent when it comes to carrying out their core business
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You might want to take that up with the professionals who spend their working lives visiting fruit and veg markets, abbatoirs, plant nurseries etc. Then they can give you their opinion of how well you do your job, if any.
 
Camelia said:
I've always found that if you are polite and do what is asked there is never a problem. They are just doing their job, to earn the cash to feed their nearest and dearest.
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I was once on a boat stopped by MODPlod as we were entering Portsmouth harbour. The boat was one from a well-known Gosport sailing school, it was mid-afternoon and, I think, a Sunday. They were looking for terrorists. They took down our particulars and struggled with the spelling of some of the place names. It was a hot day and of course they were in heavy uniforms and life jackets, the latter presumably because they were so far out of their depth. Hopefully they weren't required to stay at work into the dark hours as terrorists are unlikely to operate then.

I've learnt one lesson from this: if you want to slip through the defences don't attempt the double bluff of entering in broad daylight disguised as an obviously legitimate and regular user of the port in question. Come in at night wearing black balaclavas as hopefully the overtime budget will mean you have free reign.
 
Nico said:
I was once on a boat stopped by MODPlod as we were entering Portsmouth harbour. The boat was one from a well-known Gosport sailing school, it was mid-afternoon and, I think, a Sunday. They were looking for terrorists. They took down our particulars and struggled with the spelling of some of the place names. It was a hot day and of course they were in heavy uniforms and life jackets, the latter presumably because they were so far out of their depth. Hopefully they weren't required to stay at work into the dark hours as terrorists are unlikely to operate then.

I've learnt one lesson from this: if you want to slip through the defences don't attempt the double bluff of entering in broad daylight disguised as an obviously legitimate and regular user of the port in question. Come in at night wearing black balaclavas as hopefully the overtime budget will mean you have free reign.
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Those poor buggers are just fulfilling stop and search quotas they've been set. They generally stick to stopping school boats because they're the most likely to play along without getting their knickers in a twist. I was on a sailing school boat that they stopped a few years back in the Solent, we welcomed them on board and they were very polite and friendly.

So, if your a terrorist, don't use a sailing school boat for your illicit activities and you'll be fine.
 
As you enter through customs and immigration into New Zealand and Australia ther are bins in which you must dispose of sandwiches etc and in NewZealand there is a desk through which you must pass where you are questioned as what you are carrying.
I witnessesd a back packer wearing walking boots having his boots removed and checked over and being asked where he had come from.
Having said this I remember watching a programme in NZ about biosecurity where heavy earth moving equipment being imported from Thailand was impounded.
It appeared clean and shiny yellow but was full of all sorts of exotic creepy crawlies from the jungles of Thailand.
 
Nico said:
You might want to take that up with the professionals who spend their working lives visiting fruit and veg markets, abbatoirs, plant nurseries etc. Then they can give you their opinion of how well you do your job, if any.
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Take as you find - we had a farm. My comments were based on my experience and professional is hardly a word that could have been applied to Defra. You seem to be taking exception to my remarks judging by your final sentence?
 
Bosun Higgs said:
checked into qab today and was required to fill in a form for defra '' declaration regarding means of disposal of catering waste from a means of transport operating internationally''. Required name, address, boat reg number, etc etc.

Apparently by filling in this form we are going to avoid any future import of diseased things from ash trees to zebra mussels and chinese pig food, not to mention bush meat of course. And of course having sailed from wales to england i have operated internationally

And being hmg, they havent got the wit to integrate this with other border controls and do it all on line. Stiil we shall all be safe in future
Click to expand...
Ahhh - so you're in Plymouth! SOMEONE must have seen you by now then! No good looking way underground in Switzerland....it's all 'appenin' in Plimuff...
 
Twister_Ken said:
Once came back with the car from France having bought a real farmyard cockerel (dead and dressed) in a Normandy market. Customs bloke (we stopped because we were over the limit on wine) asked if we'd bought anything else. Madame coughed on the cockerel. "It'll have to be incinerated" quoth customs bloke. "Can I incinerate in the oven? " asked Madame, straight off. "I'm sure that would be in order," he said.
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How long ago was that, because there is no limit on wine. Customs try to enforce a limit but it is not legal for them to do so. You can bring in more as long as you can convince them you are not selling it. But if you import 20,000 cigarets you are unlikely to convince them it is for personal use.
 
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