New member
21 Jun 2001
SW Florida
It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. These awards

are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual,

who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove

undesirable elements from the human gene pool. We present the 2001

"Natural Selection"


5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he

hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down

the slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced

dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m.,

the Mono County Sheriff's Department said.

Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump

Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.

Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are

used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently

used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a

tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit

was the one with its pad removed.

4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being

disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call

the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and

walked out without paying.

Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics

removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to


3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a

stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed

instantly when it fell on him.

2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia

party, (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas

who used the 22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped

a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion

that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of

Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday

night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium

hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it."

"It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it

off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out

and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in

guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according

to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division.

"I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

> >

1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon

man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and

will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his

right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club,

Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men

Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon.

A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered

Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter

to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts

would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the

University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10

inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet

somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said

that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely

would have killed himself.

Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking

that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges

have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office

said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the

late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend

a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheatre.

Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought

it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the


They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for

Mr.Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the

fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late)

Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the

fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through

a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm)

by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the

tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him.

Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his

pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from

he tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The

sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection

of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum.

To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his


Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,

decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope

to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken

haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the

fence landing on his friend and killing him.

Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100

feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal

injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it,

half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a

knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet

in the air.

Congratulations gentlemen, you win


Well-known member
6 Nov 2001
Arthur. you really do mix with some funny people.Err boats boats boats.


21 Aug 2001
South East England
Now suffering severe pain in the rib area. Thanks a bunch. Too much of this can seriously endanger the back to work gloom.

I note that nearly all of the major contenders appear to come from the Americas. Is this their way of prooving their expertise in yet another area of sporting ability (having taken a right pounding in the "worlds strongest man" series). Or is it an indication that the Lemming gene becomes over active when world super power status is achieved. Makes one wonder if 2500 miles of open Atlantic ocean is enough to constitute a safety barrier.

Keep it up Arthur. Some may think the boaty link may be a bit fragile but it's ok by me. How else can we keep ourselves sane while the boat is out of the water.

ChrisP :)


Re: excellent stuff AW

I love these awards. A favourite was the chap expeimenting jet engine contraption stapped to his back. he fell over as soon as it started and it propelled him at high speed into the cliffs. Also the high-powered lawyer who was showing some schoolchildren around his fabuolus office, and responded to a question about whether he found it frightening to have such big windows so high up in the air by running straight at the window, which gave way.

Deleted User YDKXO

Re: excellent stuff AW

The world will not mourn one less lawyer. Good stuff, Arthur


New member
21 Jun 2001
SW Florida
Chris - I'll be carefaul what I say. I only have a Green Card!
Unfortunately we only see years-old World's Strongest Man events on TV over here. However, I am still figuring out which channels to go to for which sports. Out Sat TV station numbers go to 900 and something!


New member
21 Jun 2001
SW Florida
Re: Another Darwin contender?

Possible candidates for the Darwin Awards.

Two hunters from Michigan--(true story) This is from a radio program, a
true report of an incident in Michigan:

A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560 monthly
payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the
lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with the guns, the dog,
and of course the new vehicle.

They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make
some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys
to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a
wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more
effort than an ice hole drill.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a
short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into
consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a
location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because
they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from
the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.

They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns
and the dog? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab
used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.

You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice
and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the
time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder
what to do now.

The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and
shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly big enough
to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but
continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes
really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have
gone insane.

The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new
avigator. ----BOOM! ---- Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to
the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing
there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use
of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the first of those
$560 a month payments!

And you thought your day was not going well?