EME
Well-Known Member
Defensive Action
Now the problem with being at a French port with nowhere to store your things at 0800 on a Saturday morning as that you know you have another hour to drink coffee before the agent arrives for compulsory handover. The conversation is somewhat stilted: -
Her – ‘What do we do now if there is no boat?’
Him – ‘We take an alternative’
Her – ‘How much have you paid for this?’
Him – ‘Darling, it’s all secured on a credit card’
Her – ‘ It looks like rain’
Him – ‘The sky is flaming blue!’
Her – ‘ It’s time you tidied up the garden, it’s a mess’
Him – ‘Were you sent to earth as an anti-fun device?’ etc.
So by the time M. Le Agence turn up we are in a longish pause in communication.
‘Monsieur, it ees no problemer, we ave a Turchese for you’. I am about to launch into a ‘Bleeding dishonest Frogs’ speech when I realise TB will jump on any nuance of discontent by terminating the day early, so again take the manly solution and shut it.
PDI
Why is it that all charters assume that you know everything about the before you take off?
So I insist on a full intro to the boat:
Him: The engine
Me: It’s green
Him: “les clefs’’
Me: Good
Him: ‘gas in here..
Me : WHAT???!!!… I wanted a diesel boat !!
Him: But Monsieur was prepared to have 2 engines. SO, to fuel this will be cheaper..
I realise this guy is obviously a direct descendant of Descartes so with a Gallic shrug he leaves and we are left to our own devices. TB is not looking happy, in fact unlike the mythical heroine this woman could sink a ship with the look on her face. Ensconced on what is to become ‘her’ seat, I deduce I may have to do all the lines myself, ensuring the forward line is looped over the neighbouring charter boat. Shame about the crud. This is accomplished quite easily (for me); even remember to do the engine room blower, WE”RE OFF.
Port Etiquette
Feeling like a million dollars , I ease out into the fairway, well at least that is how it is written up in the boating mags. Fact is that I use the two 2 hire craft on either side of me in the same manner as Pete Townsend would use pinball bumpers and, spinning the wheel like a demented zombie narrowly avoid anchor chains attached to boat on my starboard neighbour. Stay cool man, stay cool. Now for the life of me I don’t know why I did the next manoeuvre but I turned onto the main fairway and then instead of proceeding out of the marina, I turned down between 2 pontoons. Oops, Oh no, I’m going to have to reverse out.
Now TB is not totally oblivious to what is going on and points out “ You appear to have made a small error’’… A crew member working on an adjacent boat (30 yards away) picks up her whispered comment and adds ‘ Should have turned straight on for Gib mate. Bleeding Ossies, always there when you need them.
We escape the fairway with some dignity (lier!!) and head for the fuel pontoon.
Now, the Golfe Juan pontoon is definitely not Learner friendly. Unlike La Napoule this beast is definitely a solid bit of concreted stuff. This is in stark contrast to La Napoule where the pontoon has more ‘give’. So lining up a transit between the Attendant’s left nostril and Les lerins we go for it (actually it is just me as she is looking in the opposite direction). Experienced readers of my trials and tribulations will appreciate that this transit is perfectly safe as normally the La Napoule fuel attendant will run away when seeing me however this guy knows he stands on a solid fortress and will repel all boarders, particularly Les Rosbifs.
Hey! This is going well. I’ve got in on the pontoon 1st time. We fill up (to be deducted from final fill up, I don’t get caught like that by the Frenchies again) and we head off. Time to bring the fenders on board. Oh dear 2 port fenders are rather ‘Dead’…never mind can always blame previous renter,
15 minutes into the charter, Damage to date:
1) Adjacent charter boats – unquantified
2) Own Boat - 2 fenders
3) Own Boat- hull damage , unseen
4) Relationship with Dearheart - ‘How to undo 12 yrs in 15 minutes without sleeping with her sister’ might be a reasonable title..
Oh dear, and we still have to go wave at the Mother-in-Law
To Be Continued..
<hr width=100% size=1><font color=blue>I am WHAT I say I am</font color=blue>
Now the problem with being at a French port with nowhere to store your things at 0800 on a Saturday morning as that you know you have another hour to drink coffee before the agent arrives for compulsory handover. The conversation is somewhat stilted: -
Her – ‘What do we do now if there is no boat?’
Him – ‘We take an alternative’
Her – ‘How much have you paid for this?’
Him – ‘Darling, it’s all secured on a credit card’
Her – ‘ It looks like rain’
Him – ‘The sky is flaming blue!’
Her – ‘ It’s time you tidied up the garden, it’s a mess’
Him – ‘Were you sent to earth as an anti-fun device?’ etc.
So by the time M. Le Agence turn up we are in a longish pause in communication.
‘Monsieur, it ees no problemer, we ave a Turchese for you’. I am about to launch into a ‘Bleeding dishonest Frogs’ speech when I realise TB will jump on any nuance of discontent by terminating the day early, so again take the manly solution and shut it.
PDI
Why is it that all charters assume that you know everything about the before you take off?
So I insist on a full intro to the boat:
Him: The engine
Me: It’s green
Him: “les clefs’’
Me: Good
Him: ‘gas in here..
Me : WHAT???!!!… I wanted a diesel boat !!
Him: But Monsieur was prepared to have 2 engines. SO, to fuel this will be cheaper..
I realise this guy is obviously a direct descendant of Descartes so with a Gallic shrug he leaves and we are left to our own devices. TB is not looking happy, in fact unlike the mythical heroine this woman could sink a ship with the look on her face. Ensconced on what is to become ‘her’ seat, I deduce I may have to do all the lines myself, ensuring the forward line is looped over the neighbouring charter boat. Shame about the crud. This is accomplished quite easily (for me); even remember to do the engine room blower, WE”RE OFF.
Port Etiquette
Feeling like a million dollars , I ease out into the fairway, well at least that is how it is written up in the boating mags. Fact is that I use the two 2 hire craft on either side of me in the same manner as Pete Townsend would use pinball bumpers and, spinning the wheel like a demented zombie narrowly avoid anchor chains attached to boat on my starboard neighbour. Stay cool man, stay cool. Now for the life of me I don’t know why I did the next manoeuvre but I turned onto the main fairway and then instead of proceeding out of the marina, I turned down between 2 pontoons. Oops, Oh no, I’m going to have to reverse out.
Now TB is not totally oblivious to what is going on and points out “ You appear to have made a small error’’… A crew member working on an adjacent boat (30 yards away) picks up her whispered comment and adds ‘ Should have turned straight on for Gib mate. Bleeding Ossies, always there when you need them.
We escape the fairway with some dignity (lier!!) and head for the fuel pontoon.
Now, the Golfe Juan pontoon is definitely not Learner friendly. Unlike La Napoule this beast is definitely a solid bit of concreted stuff. This is in stark contrast to La Napoule where the pontoon has more ‘give’. So lining up a transit between the Attendant’s left nostril and Les lerins we go for it (actually it is just me as she is looking in the opposite direction). Experienced readers of my trials and tribulations will appreciate that this transit is perfectly safe as normally the La Napoule fuel attendant will run away when seeing me however this guy knows he stands on a solid fortress and will repel all boarders, particularly Les Rosbifs.
Hey! This is going well. I’ve got in on the pontoon 1st time. We fill up (to be deducted from final fill up, I don’t get caught like that by the Frenchies again) and we head off. Time to bring the fenders on board. Oh dear 2 port fenders are rather ‘Dead’…never mind can always blame previous renter,
15 minutes into the charter, Damage to date:
1) Adjacent charter boats – unquantified
2) Own Boat - 2 fenders
3) Own Boat- hull damage , unseen
4) Relationship with Dearheart - ‘How to undo 12 yrs in 15 minutes without sleeping with her sister’ might be a reasonable title..
Oh dear, and we still have to go wave at the Mother-in-Law
To Be Continued..
<hr width=100% size=1><font color=blue>I am WHAT I say I am</font color=blue>
