Commodes

[claymore]

I am a lucky man. Whilst no doubt past the first flush of youth, I have an electric sea toilet which makes the job of rectal irrigation less taxing on the pacemaker. The simple press of a button rather than all that tedious pumping has made life easier and encourages one to be regular. In addition, should the power fail - I have a young friend who is a qualified yachtmaster and specialist in holding tanks. This means that he can navigate us out of trouble when my complex and sophisticated laptop navigation system blobs and do the necessary plumbing duties should that be necessary.
I have a friend of similar vintage to my own who has been experiencing difficulty recently with his decks. In addition - although he would not wish to be identified he has been experiencing some difficulty in using his sea toilet as flushing it involves an awkward Twisting movement. Does the forum think that my ageing friend should invest in a commode?

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[ParaHandy]

are youse talking aboot yon demented chainsaw whit daes fer ra turds? wull thon's the noise yer masherator gets up tae in ra middle o ra nicht, ken, and tha's assuming ye manage tae stop yer knackers getting chopped aff ....

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[longjohnsilver]

Reminds me of a story, out diving for scallops one day a few years back, surfaced and my mate picks me up. We then pulled up the bag of scallops and filled a bin or two and 2 black buckets. At this stage he admits to having been rather caught out when I was down and couldn't reach the sea loo so used a bucket for his as you put, it rectal irrigation.

Problem was he couldn't remeber which bucket it was! However he did assure me he'd given it a good flush with sea water. Got back to the docks and as per usual passed a bucket of scallops to the dockmaster. We met him in the pub a few weeks later where we told him of the bucket episode having forgotten we'd passed a bucket over to him. He looked a bit pale and bemused and then said "I hope it wasn't the bucket you gave me those bloody scallops in!"

Of course we assured him it was! He never did seem quite so keen on scallops after that.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[claymore]

Jings

Para are youse sae weel hung?

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[Birdseye]

Rectal irrigation, heh? Presumably this is Scottish for colonic ? So you have a bidet on board, with an up flush no less - obviously a man of means as well as strange habits.

Is this why they wear kilts up there?

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[ParaHandy]

Gravity ..

tha's whit .. it sucks, jist like yon shunkie ye're banging oan aboot .. wurse than a milking parlour, it is, and eef youse wiz tae offer a wee bit o' ra viagra tae yer saga pals efter they've hud their bums sat on yon thing .. ye'd be laird'd in a twinkling ... orra in ma humblesht opeenion of course ....

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[claymore]

Re: Gravity ..

Para
thesh retairment - d'ye think et suits ye?

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[claymore]

Colonic - is this a move tae tak awa oor pairliament and colonise us yince mair?

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[ParaHandy]

Re: Gravity ..

har .. arrrrr ... jings, could'nae be better ...

<hr width=100% size=1>