Clear Commands!

[PeppaPig]

I believe there is some amusement/sad reflection to be had in the following incident I witnessed a couple of years ago:

A yacht with Mum, Dad and Child approaching its marina berth at warp factor 8.... Father is running along the side decks bent up and anxious about getting a line ashore.. ..

He shouts.... "Quick!"

Wife replies "Quick, What?"

This was then followed by some muffled curses and bit of a thump as the boat parked itself abruptly. Alas, I wasn't close enough to assist.

 

[armchairsailor]

You're not suggesting anything about the driving capabilities of the fairer sex are you? Or perhaps the father had a case of Delhi belhi and didn't wish to contaminate the heads? :-D

 

[Stemar]

Helm: Ready About!
Crew: "Ready"
Helm: Lee-oh!
Leo "Yes?"

Revised version on Leo's boat

Helm: "Ready to Tack!"
Crew: "Ready"
Helm: "Tacking now"
Leo deals with the main sheet as he was supposed to

 

[Koeketiene]

Left hand down a bit

 

[Twister_Ken]

Ronnie Barker didn't change much over the years.

 

[mcframe]

I was on a boat once with a chap from Poland working as mastman - caused some amusement when instructions for "Pole Up!" "Pole Down!" were given when dip-gybeing.

Another boat, a girl called Hedi was on traveler, so when we started to get overpowered (for about the fifth time), the call was just "HIII-DEEEE!"

Worst one I've seen was a skipper with a rookie crew who had a habit of forgetting the subject-verb-object convention and called "Sheet, sheet, sheet!"† when the crew weren't sure which sheet, and whether it was to be let in or out...


† as in a trimming line on a sail, not in the Australian sense ;->

 

[Seajet]

True story

I was once on a boat with a crew of various levels of experience, doing our YM exams - except one bloke who'd hardly sailed before but somehow booked a week on a boat in UK December as a holiday; he was not the sharpest knife in the box.

During the exam of one rather nervous, hyped up guy, he called to another of the crew " Clive ? " and instantly all hell broke loose as our tyro shoved the helm hard over - it was a good F6.

When nearly throttled, he explained " I thought you said Gybe " !

 

[HinewaisMan]

Racing one time, banging along under the kite, spinnaker halyard in hand getting ready to load the winch for the drop.

An inexperienced crew member had been put on releasing the halyard jammer.

“Do I release the jammer?” she asks

“Yes”, says the skipper, thinking she meant is that her job

She released it.

The kite took the halyard and in the split second it took me to let it go, it burned holes though the palms of my gloves and removed my fingerprints.

Spent the rest of the race clasping ice cold tinnies of VB in my hands.