Bush nb..........

[Dave1258]

President Bush was visiting a primary school. One of the classes was in
the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the
discussion on the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asked the
class for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him,
that would be a tragedy." "No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not" explained the president. "That's what we would call a
great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the
room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet
voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying Mr and Mrs Bush was struck by
a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a
tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that
would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "it has to be a tragedy,
because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't
be an accident either."


<hr width=100% size=1> Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

[sloshed]

Very good !

However, you should probably now pack your bags befor the FBI/CIA track you down from your Email address..........

Run.........run now.........

That said, I hear Guantanamo can be nice this time of year.

<hr width=100% size=1>Champagne aspirations - Beer money.

<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by sloshed on 04/11/2004 09:20 (server time).</FONT></P>

 

[Andrew_Fanner]

Before the election it was posted elsewhere that if Bush was re-elected the suicide rate in states like California could go up by 10,000 or so.

And people still think Kerry could have been a good thing?

If Tom Lehrer were still with us would he have updated the song about Hubert Humphries?

<hr width=100% size=1>Two beers please, my friend is paying.

 

[mirage]

I posted that on an American boating BBS, it was pulled within an hour.

<hr width=100% size=1>Regards

Nick Thompson

 

[Pebbles]

The result could barely be worse politically (if you are a Democrat). Not only the White House, but the Republicans picked up four seats in the Senate and defeated Tom Daschle, the Senate Democratic leader.

The real reason behind it was that the Bush campaign pulled its religious base to the polls. Believe it or not, the largest single issue cited by voters as the most important to them was "moral values" -- 22%. And 21% of voters categorized themselves as born-again Evangelical Christians. Can you imagine that "moral values" -- read gay marriage -- topped terrorism, Iraq and the economy and jobs as the #1 voting issue? The Republicans put statewide intitiatives on the ballot in all the battleground states banning gay marriage in that sate, which provided a huge pull to the Evnagelical churches. We even had Catholic archibishops preaching that voting for Kerry was a sin that people would have to confess!

Sorry. New girl on her soap box.

<hr width=100% size=1>Why is the waiting list for Lymington so long

 

[BrendanS]

Post this one, then tell us how long it lasts! <g>

Notice to Americans of Revocation of Independence from the Government of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II


To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a sane President of the United States and thus to govern yourselves with consideration for the rest of world, we hereby give notice of the Revocation of your Independence, effective immediately .

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Rt Hon, Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason.

4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

5. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

6. Stop referring to the "World Series" of Baseball and instead call it the "USA, Cuba and Japan Championship."

7. Learn to enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train waitresses to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell you their names before you eat.

8. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde.

9. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the "bad guys".

10. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 4th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Revocation Day."

11. Driving on the left is now compulsory - recall all cars to effect the change immediately.

12. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).


Thank you for your cooperation and have a nice day!


<hr width=100% size=1>Me transmitte sursum, caledoni

 

[mirage]

Done, I'll let you know.

For those with PowerPoint http://www.ttp.co.uk/Four_Parachutes.pps

<hr width=100% size=1>Regards

Nick Thompson

 

[mirage]

It's still up after an hour, but I have received the following by e-mail:

'Even in jest it doesn't play well.

Do you really think we care what you think or how you blokes visualize us?

I'm normally thick-skinned but one thing I will not tolerate is a bloody
foreigner telling us how we should live. It hasn't served you well has it?'


<hr width=100% size=1>Regards

Nick Thompson

 

[BrendanS]

Shame, it's been around for years, and have posted it on forums after elections for years, and if I had access to my old files would be able to share some of the incredibly witty rebuffs that some of our US colleagues with a sense of humour have come back with! Some of them were excellent!

<hr width=100% size=1>Me transmitte sursum, caledoni

 

[BrendanS]

Re: Then there\'s this one...

Imagine sometimein the future......................

A man goes to the White House and asks to see President Bush. The Marine on duty tells the guy that Bush isn't President any longer, please leave.
The man goes away.
The next day he comes back to the White House and asks to see President Bush. Marine on duty tells the guy that Bush is not the President any longer, please go away.
The man goes away.
The next day he comes back again, and again the same Marine is on duty. The man asks to see President Bush and the Marine says, "WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING HERE ASKING FOR HIM? BUSH IS NOT PRESIDENT ANYMORE!"
The man smiles happily and says, "I know, I just like hearing it."

<hr width=100% size=1>Me transmitte sursum, caledoni

 

[ontheplane]

Re: Then there\'s this one...

I think it says it all about Americans when they type "Do you think we care what you think of us".

It is pretty clear from their actions that Americans DON'T care about anyone else in the world, or what they think of them - perhaps that's why they keep suffering terorists attacks and most of the "civilised" world hate them.

I don't think we are perfect, but we seem to give a lot more thought to how we treat our neighbours, at least until Bush pulls Tony out of his a@@ and tells him what to do before sticking him back up for licking duties.....

I would suggest the Americans think on that, but given that G Bush has just been given the countries approval for his actions I am sure that some other country will be invaded soon....

<hr width=100% size=1>Why can't we work 2 days a week and boat the other 5????

 

[Andrew_Fanner]

Re: Then there\'s this one...

However, I have derived much simpleminded amusement from saying/emailing every leftie/PC type I know and saying ner nicky ner ner

<hr width=100% size=1>Two beers please, my friend is paying.