B&Q record attempt report #1

tcm

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At last I am on my way with our new kitchen from B&Q. Our target is to build a kitchen in 72 days and after all the frustrations of saving up, queuing for days and days, stashing all the boxes in the car and setting off out of the car park it's a relief to have made a start on the real work at last.

The good news is that I am 12 hours ahead of the next door neighbours record of 73 days which he set last year. The bad news is that SWMBO (aka "the Commander") is fairly pessimistic about my progress.

B&Q Kitchen
KEY DATA DAY 12 1410 GMT: 12 hours 36 minutes ahead
Lat/Long: the kitchen
Average cups of coffee per day: 15.7


IN BRIEF:

tcm continues to muck about with B&Q kitchen bits

* ANOTHER THREE DAYS AND TCM WILL HAVE TURNED THE WATER OFF in the in stark contrast to the current pleasant conditions

IN DETAIL:

Each hourly data shows tcm losing a few screws, or misplacing a crosshead screwdriver... The precious hours and minutes gained in driving home from the DIY shop at breakneck speed are diminishing.

EXCERPTS FROM AUDIO

How are things?
"Look shutupp, okay! Here Iam trying to sort this lot and all you can do is waste my time with poxy questions! "

How was last night?
"Well, it was okay, cos i went to the pub. I was very worried about everything as usual, and there's stuff all over the place.

How are the base units looking?
I haven't quite got round to those yet, and to tell you the truth it's not looking too good. I see the task in seven main sections :
1 getting all the gear home,
2 unpacking all the bits,
3 boshing together the units,
4 nailing them on the walls,
5 putting the worktops on
6 Shoehorning the sink and appliances (this can be the dangerous bit)
7 finally, connecting the water and electric

So far, we've only completed stage one, so there's a long way to go. A very long way to go.


WORK RATE ANALYSIS FROM Mrs tcm aka COMMANDER

The lazy lazy git! I am trying to find the long screwdriver while he's worrying about the base units. His energy is weakening and I am expecting him to fall further behind over the weekend.




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Where are your live feed webcams?

Cam 1 - The car, still showing parked on the drive two days before setting out.

Cam 2 - The garage apparently where the flat packs are stored during the runs from the warehouse, or at least 6mm at the top of the picture showing the garage ceiling the rest is blacked out.

Cam 3 - What would be a rather arty shot from the bottom of the back door showing tcm at work, but of course you just get a black screen.

Cam 4 - The sink shot, has not been updated since last October but it is a very fine space where the new sink might or might not be fitted.

Audio link - Click here to hear tcm scream and kick the dog as he belts his thumb for the ninth time trying to fix the leak under the new sink. If camera 4 was working you would see him in his B&Q sponsored boiler suit getting soaked.

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.topcatsail.co.uk>
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< Base Unit tasks: item 7 finally, connecting the water and electric>

Suggest you re programme this item to ensure completion prior to Jan 1 2005 deadline for home electrics otherwise application for approval may frustrate record breaking attempt.

Looking forward to next report.

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Ahh,yes well you see, I can see a problem with the kommandant arising when the said units are not placed in the right position,although you have already discussed this and agreed where the're going.
Hope you have built this delay into your schedule.

<hr width=100% size=1>No dear,the water goes in the other one.
 
Stupidity in design !

Having entered into doing my third kitchen !!! I now find an interesting item that didn't come up before ....

SWMBO insisted on an expensive Zanussi Hob and Oven .... my poor ol wallet !!! Well Oven went in fine .... but hob ?

Cut slot in worktop to fit, luvly. Scrounged proper hob gas pipe from gas engineers fitting gas and heating system to my house ..... fitted it and b......ks !! Now hob won't go in .... it hits the top frame of unit and also needs dirty great big cut-out behind hob in worktop ..... so fitted 90 bend to point pipe down ..... ha ha ... they even got me on that one ....

So finally had to cut worktop to allow gas pipe to stick out back of hob ........

Now all others I did had the pipe vertical connection or sufficiently inside the area of the hob to allow space to fit ..... not dear old Zanussi ......

But it works and finally we are getting close to having all units / gear fitted in our 5m x 5m kitchen ..... yep it IS that big !!


<hr width=100% size=1>Cheers Nigel ..... <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.geocities.com/solentlifeuk/>http://www.geocities.com/solentlifeuk/</A>
 
Re: Stupidity in design !

Does that mean that you've rounded the Cape of Good Hope ahead of TCM? We could have ourselves a race here!

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All impressive stuff.

I seem to have missed the bit where you burst into tears because you had to go up to the attic to loosen a frozen stopcock in the header tank.

Also, was there a preliminary bit where you gave B&Q loads of money up front and then had to wait months because the taps you wanted were out of stock and they delivered Next Door's fridge?

Finally - some haircut details please. You really haven't thought this through, have you?

<hr width=100% size=1>Je suis Marxiste - tendance Groucho
 
Thats a rubbish target...72 days!! - and you know what DIY stands for don't you...Don't Involve Yourself

Anyway - sort of a stinky - raggie argument. Get a tradesman involved - sorted in 5 days. Get an engine involved - passage times slashed.

Right - lets get down cost...ahhh - similar comparisons. OK, I'll go now.

<hr width=100% size=1>Madoc Yacht Club
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.madocyachtclub.co.uk>http://www.madocyachtclub.co.uk</A>
 
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