Australia day

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oldsaltoz

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Tuesday 26th was Australia day.

Cricket and tennis in full swing, B-B-Q's fired up all over the country, plenty of sunshine and sandy beaches.

Just over 5,000 people lined up today to become Australian Citizens and would you believe one third of the population of Sydney were not born in Australia.

Happy Daze.

.
 
Thought that Vietnamese was already the first language?

Australia is a bonzer place
Full of bonzer blokes
Sheilahs, beer and no-ones queer
Except in pommie jokes

Monty Python

Have a good celebration!
 
australian terrorist threat

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross” The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.


The Scots raised their threat level from "Pxxxxd Off" to "Let's get the *******s". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.


And at a local level.....



New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!” Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Sxxt, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to “She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
 
We love the place. Will be over in July for a few weeks. Never long enough. Have a great day.

Dave
 
Bosun Higgs said:
I reckon that Australia is populated by Scots because they both make fond comments about their homeland whilst emigrating in droves to London. :D
Click to expand...

Naah Oz is far too hot - you forget your Big Yin history:

The reason why there are so many Scots in Canada and New Zealand if that they got so p155ed off with their richer, drier, warmer neighbours that they moved ;->

"Advance, Australia Fair!
It's so far from here to there,
tum te tum te tum te tum"
 
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