Afghanistan..... Closer to home

[Bejasus]

Gerard Houlier was looking to sign some new players to help Liverpool's title
push, so he sent his chief scout to Afghanistan to search for some new
talent.

Sure enough, the scout finds an outstanding 18 year old striker and
immediately signs him on a 3 year deal. On getting back to England,
Gerrard takes one look at him in training and immediately puts him in the
starting line up for the big home game against Arsenal.

The new lad is fantastic, he scores a hat trick and creates four more as
Liverpool romp it 7-0.

Ecstatic after the game, the young lad phones his mum to tell her the good
news.

"Mum" he says "I've just made my debut and had a great game. The team loves
me, the fans love me and the press loves me. Life is great!"

"Well," says his mum, "I'm glad life is great for you. Shall I tell you
what happened to us today? Your Dad's been murdered in the street, your
sister and I were raped and beaten in broad daylight, and your brother's
joined a vicious gang of killers".

"Mum, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry"

Sorry?", she yells down the phone, "You're f*cking sorry? It's YOUR
f*cking fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!!"

 

[lanason]

Colihoilic is also a fan of this joke !!!!!
about the 30th May me thinks !!!!


Adrian

Any jobs going ??

 

[boatone]

.....and at least twice before that...!!!!!

MoBoChat Images and Profile Pics at www.arweb.co.uk/argallery/mobochat

 

[coliholic]

Ah so everyone likes old jokes then eh?

Well here's one that's been around a while that I got again today and worth posting here. But this time about Australians,


Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.


By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

Yet.

P stands for the Problem the pilots entered in the log.
S stands for the Solution or corrective action taken by the mechanics.

* P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
* S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

* P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
* S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

* P: Something loose in cockpit.
* S: Something tightened in cockpit.

* P: Dead bugs on windshield.
* S: Live bugs on backorder!!

* P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
* S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

* P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
* S: Evidence removed.

* P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
* S: DME volume set to more believable level.

*P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
*S: That's what they're there for!

*P: IFF inoperative.
*S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

* P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
* S: Suspect you're right.

*P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly).
*S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

*P: Aircraft handles funny.
*S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

*P: Radar hums.
*S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

*P: Mouse in cockpit.
*S: Cat installed.
> >
>