A few questions from a new girl in town

[liz]

Hello boys! I have just started to get involved with sailing and I wonder if any of you lean, muscular, tanned, salt-caked sailors could help me with a little advice.

With regard to the mainsail, my boyfriend finds he can get it up all right but it doesn’t seem to stay up as long as he would like. Do you suppose he is using the wrong type of halyard?

He is for ever asking me to grease the stern gland. Is this the sort of thing a nice girl does?

You all seem nice and friendly and give us lots of waves except for the boats with a white flag at the back end. Does the white flag mean they have surrendered their manners?

My boyfriend tells me that this weekend we are going to have a spanking good sail. I am aquiver with excitement at the prospect but I wonder if there is any specialist clothing I should consider buying.

Is it regarded as bad manners to leave ones bikini top off when entering a marina?

Why don’t people in the marine industry return telephone calls or recognise that their livelihood depends on happy customers?

 

[alanhanson]

Re: welcome

hi welcomke to the forum hope you find the info you want
lean & tanned ?
his halyard can be effected a lot by crew . a fresh crew can work wonders i am told.
a good crew should get stuck in with stern gland greasing .
unsure on the clothing
its not bad manners on the entering marina topless but could be dangerous might cause a stir <if you know what i mean>
thanks for making me luagh cheers alan

 

[andrewhopkins]

Sweating

To get the main up you need to swig and sweat a lot. It is hard work but the outcome is always worthwhile.

Dont drink to much, the concentration goes and the main will often come down without warning which can be embarrasing.

Best thing to do to get experience is to move between different boats on a regular basis and learn different techniques. Everyone has their own way of getting the tension you desire

 

[jamesjermain]

Dear Liz,

Welcome to sailing. Forgive me replying to your message which is clearly not aimed at me (lean? muscular? tanned? Have you been down to your local yacht club yet?).

The great thing is sailing is fun - and that means for all the crew so don't let your new boyfriend bully you.

However, you will find that:
*A spanking good sail usually means you will be beating.
*When he says he is going to pick up the genny he is not being unfailthful
*Think twice when he tells you to grab the tail
*Head has a very specific meaning in boat talk
*A soldiers wind is something to look forward to
*Piles are for mooring to

In answer to your questions, if you DO grab the tail when he is hoisting the main you will find it goes up a treat.

The stern gland should only need greasing when the shaft is leaking

Men with while flags are usually rather old so their halyards may be saggy which is why they are grumpy.

If is not advisable to take your top off when entering a marina. It would be a shame to get something caught in the bitts.





JJ

 

[Guest]

I keep my boat in Wales and they tend to secure the main halyard with a sheepshank, sometimes a handcuff-sheepshank. Then the Welsh can be a queer lot, can't they?

I let my chandler tackle my stern gland (some chandlers will shaft you properly) and he gives my bottom a good seeing to every year. They get really excited if they find a blister.

Be very careful if your boyfriend asks if you would care to "rattle the rigging" but don't be alarmed if you hear you're going to experience a good blow.

People fly a white flag to indicate they like to swing, blue flags mean they're with their mistresses, and red flags tend to be harmless alcoholics. Always shout a very loud "hello" to the white flags and throw an empty beer can at them - this is there secret signal. They are always sure to respond warmly.

Have fun ... report back soon.

 

[Guest]

I had to look at your profile!

And it fits only a ESSEX girl could ask the questions in the manner you asked.
Personally taking ones top off coming into a marina is fine just let me know which marina you going to and when, then
I will be there to see if it offends me.

Kind regards
Bluebeard.

 

[Guest]

Liz,

You wouldnt by any chance be lurking in this forum under an assumed identity, would you ? Your not by any chance a "Captain Neale" from alt.sailing asa. ?.

 

[Grehan]

Hi sweetie, and its always impressive - not to say completely amazing - when a girlie like you manages not only to use complicated dangerous machinery but also do very complicated things like accessing the internet AND sending a message. Well done dear, but be careful.

The FIRST thing you need to know is that patronising attitudes towards women, sexist expressions and sexual innuendo have no place in yachting society. Very infra-dig and therefore completely unknown in fact, so don’t start bringing 'em here thank you very much.

For example, "Pulling one's wire" means making sure that that which keeps one's mast good and upright is nice and tight. It’s a similar concept to "tickling one's throttle". Only different.

The SECOND thing since I see you're in advertising as well as an apprentice sailorette, is that you might like to know that many terms are similar in both professions (although to describe advertising as a profession really is perverted . . . )

1. "Below the line" = below the plimsoll line = relations turn up wearing black rubber-soled old trainers that foul one's topsides. (see also "mark-up")

2. "Above the line" = (well) above the waterline = fat blokes in vests and baseball caps sitting in white plastic tubs twenty feet above the ocean twiddling their little steering wheels, pulling on those levers that make their massive Volvo throb. Stop it that's enough.

3. "Display" = manoeuvring in a marina. This requires everyone else to peer out from their cockpits, or from the pontoons, or the clubhouse bar, in the hope of something amusing, inept, or showing spectacular potential for a big insurance claim. Freudian nightmares of walking naked down Oxford Street have nothing on this.

4. "Lineage" = it's difficult to walk along the pontoon without tripping over all those hosepipes and shore power cables.

5. "Head-line" = I'm sorry I got really confused using the lavatory. It's those valves and levers. What d'you mean there's smelly stuff floating all round the berth.

6. "Caption" = Cap shone = The skipper requires every square millimetre of GRP to be scrubbed and polished morning, noon and night. Sod the sailing, just keep cleaning.

7. "Creatives" = incompetents that haven't a clue and make it up (wrong) as they go along. That crash gybe was entirely what was intended. My head hurts, Brian.

8. "Suits" = ghastly men in bright yellow waterproof clothing that think they know it all. Big headed self-opinionated sailing nerds ever ready to tell you that their twenty year old Conch "Tessa" has just seen them safely through a Force 35 and those cheap modern Frog boats shouldn’t be allowed outside Poole harbour, that's all they're fit for.

9. "Copy" = VHF term = I'm the pratt that's just called up on Channel 16 in the middle of an air-sea rescue to request a Solent Coastguard radio check, please.

10. "DPS" = like GPS, except = Dinghy Positioning System - essential when attempting to return to the anchored boat after a hard night's drinking ashore.

11. "Deadline" = backing away from a pontoon only to realise far too late that not only is the bow warp still tied at both ends, it's also wrapped itself around the neck of that irritating small child that kept telling you my mummy and daddy used to come here before their circumnavigation. The 'wrong way'.

12. "Fulfilment" = load up the lockers with cheap French biere blonde and fun-size Mars bars.

I'm sure other contributors will have other suggestions . . .

Get your fender. You've pulled.

----------------------------------------
PS
Were you born yesterday? Nobody in any bloody industry gives a fig about their customers. Coming from advertising I thought you would have . . . No, that's a really cheap remark. And probably untrue.

 

[Guest]

I think we\'ve already met!!

I've met you "new girls" before, usually wandering around the docks. Memorable comments I have heard you make are:

On the way from the gangway to my cabin "I've never been on a ship before. Oops look at me, I nearly tripped up over that backspring!"


Looking into the cabin "I've never seen inside a sailor's cabin before. Isn't it noisy, you must be right next to the generator."


And finally in the cabin "So the last rivet put into every ship is a gold one and if I kneel on that settee and look out of the porthole I can see it." I really don't know where she got this idea from but she did get round to seeing the golden rivet - eventually!!


Enjoy the sailing - but don't expect us to believe that you are innocent of all maritime knowledge.

Best regards )

Ian D

 

[alanhanson]

Re: i smell a fish?

ok so is someone going to come clean then?

 

[steve_cronin]

This forum is starting to get a little smutty!

Thank God

At Last!!

 

[jollyjacktar]

Oh you are wicked.

.

 

[Bilgediver]

Hi Liz
Sounds like your Boyriend has halyardtitus...This could develop into something nasty but yep it starts out with the symptoms you describe...So long as its only the mainsail he can t keep up then you should be OK..

Greaseing the sterngland isn t the job for nice young cabin babes Leave these dirty jobs to the grease monky or engineer...

You just sit on deck looking pretty and leave the sailing to HIM and you ll get along fine...Then he cant shout at you for pulling of pushing the wrong bits of string..

 

[milltech]

Sailing single handed, or when there is little chance of a good blow, it may be found necessary to grease one's own nipples and shaft before turning over.

I would caution against the advice offered to pack the stern gland, this should only be attempted within a protected environment, ignoring this could cause a fatal inundation.

Likewise shafting the Gardner is a job which can only be done whilst ashore and is definitely a skill best left to experts experienced in getting the best out of this type of elderley equipment.

On the other hand adjustments to the "P" bracket can be made by any amateur with a little practice, although one wouold have to agree that it's a job where two hands are better than one, aligning the shaft prior to insertion being so crucial.

 

[Grehan]

Hello? HELLO? (and thanks)

Good morning all.

There's a helluva lot of Good Advice here. I've certainly learnt a thing or two and am looking to try one or two things out soonest.
'Liz' should say "thanks boys" Come on Liz, where are you?

BTW (that's By The Way)

BTW Thanks (that is actually, Sincere Thanks) to all who posted replies to Learner Driver.

And can I also say what a jolly good thing this forum thingy is. Abounds with helpful suggestions, comment, reports, questions. Although there are a couple of odd bits of rather uneccessary vitriol (IMHO) (that's In My Humble Opinion) the whole Forum rather restores my faith in humankind.

What a turn up for the book.