Bejasus
New member
OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat
this procedure for two weeks.
The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead
that third day”
From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back,
"You are on the other side".
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit
of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "No" for
tails.
Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is still
sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin
muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers"
LAST BUT BEST!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree
and wrote this note.
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave £10,000 in a plain brown bag behind
the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 a.m.
Signed "The blonde"
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
£10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had
instructed. Inside the bag was the following note.........
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another”
Women Drivers
Driving to the office this morning on the M11, I looked over to my right
and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 100 Mph with her face up
next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!!
It scared me so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the twins, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.
BLOODY WOMEN DRIVERS!!
"I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."..........I think????
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat
this procedure for two weeks.
The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead
that third day”
From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back,
"You are on the other side".
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit
of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "No" for
tails.
Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is still
sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin
muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers"
LAST BUT BEST!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree
and wrote this note.
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave £10,000 in a plain brown bag behind
the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 a.m.
Signed "The blonde"
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
£10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had
instructed. Inside the bag was the following note.........
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another”
Women Drivers
Driving to the office this morning on the M11, I looked over to my right
and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 100 Mph with her face up
next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!!
It scared me so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the twins, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.
BLOODY WOMEN DRIVERS!!
"I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."..........I think????