World's best sailing joke

[Blueboatman]

Old ones are the best?

Captain and No 1 reminiscing about their terrible worldwar days on the Arctic convoys together.
Capt : Tell me No 1, please. All through those terrible storm wracked, blacked out nights, you never failed once to bring me a steaming full mug o tea on the night watch. How on earth without ever spillng a drop?

No 1. : Well Sir, since you ask, I used to take a big ol swig in me mouth in the galley, then put it back in the mug right outside the bridgedeck door

 

[alant]

Captain and No 1 reminiscing about their terrible worldwar days on the Arctic convoys together.
Capt : Tell me No 1, please. All through those terrible storm wracked, blacked out nights, you never failed once to bring me a steaming full mug o tea on the night watch. How on earth without ever spillng a drop?

No 1. : Well Sir, since you ask, I used to take a big ol swig in me mouth in the galley, then put it back in the mug right outside the bridgedeck door

Not a sailing joke, but reminded me of the advice I received when visiting someone in a nursing home -

"don't eat any nuts if offered!"

"Why not"?









































"Because they've sucked all the chocolate off first"!

 

[johnalison]

True story:
"Thames Coastguard. This is... Do you have the Lat & Long of the Baudsey aerial?"

"This is Thames Coastguard. Yes, thank you."

 

[Whitelighter]

MacGregor 26

 

[Boo2]

Yep. . . no more whinging teenagers . . .

Have just run my first DS/Comp Crew coourse in blazing sunshine on the Clyde.

I didn't know that - congrats !

Boo2

 

[rotrax]

assiduous readers of t'internet news sites will have seen that the world's best joke is now officially a spike milligan effort about a hunter who shoots his companion. Leaving aside the fact that this is not the world's best joke (the world's best joke starts with 'what time is it eccles' and ends with 'here, this bit of paper aint going') what is the world's best sailing joke? Jake Kavanagh please take notes... you need to!

Two guys have just finished three hours of racing round the cans in their clubs keelboats. They retire for a shower before going to the bar. As they are dressing one sees the other putting on a black lacy bra,panties suspender belt and stockings. "Good grief George- how long have you been wearing those!" "Ever since Mary found them under the chart table" George replied.

 

[fireball]

I didn't know that - congrats !

Boo2

Er - I believe webby is currently mid Atlantic ... this thread has been dragged back from the depths - which is when webby contributed.

 

[lenseman]

. . . . . what is the world's best sailing joke? !

A Bavaria with a keel still attached!

 

[prv]

My wife has just sailed to the Caribbean.

Jamaica?

No, she wanted to

If you like that kind of joke, you might want to look at this site a pair of my work colleagues put together.

http://shewentofherownaccord.com/

Pete

 

[Sybarite]

assiduous readers of t'internet news sites will have seen that the world's best joke is now officially a spike milligan effort about a hunter who shoots his companion. Leaving aside the fact that this is not the world's best joke (the world's best joke starts with 'what time is it eccles' and ends with 'here, this bit of paper aint going') what is the world's best sailing joke? Jake Kavanagh please take notes... you need to!

Why do divers always roll backwards into the water? Otherwise they would fall into the boat.

Why is it always "women and children first"? The sharks won't be hungry anymore.

In times past, a trawler sank in the Atlantic. After a few days adrift in their liferaft they were rescued by a liner. The captain ordered warm clothes and food for the trawlermen and then went down to greet them personally. "Gentlemen, welcome to the Titanic..."

 

[Lady Campanula]

"He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Robben Island Ferry." - Nick

Blurry Sassunach!

In its original form, the blurry boat is the Govan Ferry....

 

[rotrax]

assiduous readers of t'internet news sites will have seen that the world's best joke is now officially a spike milligan effort about a hunter who shoots his companion. Leaving aside the fact that this is not the world's best joke (the world's best joke starts with 'what time is it eccles' and ends with 'here, this bit of paper aint going') what is the world's best sailing joke? Jake Kavanagh please take notes... you need to!

What did the Captain of the "Lady Ghislaine" say to the Mate when he discovered Robert Maxwell was missing? "You fool!- I said throw the flat anchor over!"

 

[LadyInBed]

Oh NO

Where can you find a sailor's bathroom?
On the poop deck.

Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?
Its timbers were shivering.

What do sailor's use to blow their noses?
Anchor-chiefs.

What do Sea Monsters love to eat?
Fish and Ships.

 

[Clyde_Wanderer]

The Irish crew of a sailing boat were tasked with burying their mate Murphy who wanted to be buried at sea.
Pat and Mick had rowed out a little when Pat got out of the boat and stood knee deep in water, We need to go out further says Pat, so they row out another fifty yards then Pat jumps out and the water reaches his chin, We need to go out further says he, so they row another 100 yards.
Pat jumps out again and dissapears under water, after 5 min he reapears and after a little coughing and spluttering says to Mick, "Thats far enough give me out the shovel.

BTW no offence to Irish, I am one.
C_W

 

[BlackPig]

Blurry Sassunach!

In its original form, the blurry boat is the Govan Ferry....

It it currently in Rothsey dock Clydebank?

 

[Roberto]

I once read it on these forum(a)



Warships crossing at sea. USN and RN fleets.

US Navy Chief Commander hails on the VHF:
"Hi there, how is the world second biggest Navy doing ?"


RN answers
"Very well thanks, and how is the world second best Navy doing ? "

 

[emnick]

My wife has just sailed to the Caribbean.

Jamaica?

No, she wanted to

Winnie the Pooh is sailing to the Caribbean

Antigua?

No, he is singlehanded!

 

[Twister_Ken]

Winnie the Pooh is sailing to the Caribbean

Antigua?

No, he is singlehanded!

My wife is in Indonesia.

Djakarta?

No, she sailed there.

 

[Scotty_Tradewind]

what is the world's best sailing joke?

an LM30?

 

[Duffer]

Where can you find a sailor's bathroom?
On the poop deck.

Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?
Its timbers were shivering.

What do sailor's use to blow their noses?
Anchor-chiefs.

What do Sea Monsters love to eat?
Fish and Ships.

What sits at the the bottom of the sea and shivers?

:- A nervous wreck.

Sorry. I'll get my coat.